I spent too many years trying to please people or trying to make people happy.  I have stopped all that as being a rather useless practice.  I am not trying to be a pain in the ass, it just seems to work that way.

What does that mean?  It means I do not opt for any dishonesty at all, even to save my own ass.  I do temper my responses.  If I know saying something will be hurtful and I have not been asked my opinion, I opt to say nothing.  But when asked, I will be honest even at the risk of friendship.  I have decided that you cannot comprise on honesty.  There are a lot of people who do not like that.  They say they wish I had said something a little less honest.

But sometimes I feel the need to speak up when I see something I think is wrong.  This is when my being a pain in the ass seems to maximize.  People do not like being corrected or being told something they do not want to hear.  This does not mean I go around correcting people all the time, I do not.  But if I see someone near to me doing something I consider harmful to themselves, I feel an obligation to say something.  The thing is, I say it once and not again.  It may cause hurt feelings but they will not come back at me and ask why I did not say something.  People get defensive very quickly.  A good pain in the ass, like me, does not take that personally, particularly when the person lashes out.  In a way, it is the price of doing business, the price of honesty.  When confronted about my being such I respond, “What kind of a friend would I be if I said nothing.”  And that is my belief.

There are times, of course, when I am quite wrong.  Times like that are simply an opportunity for me to apologize and move on.  I do not like being wrong but I have no problem admitting to being such.

My belief system today tells me to err on the side of caution.  I believe it is better to be wrong saying something than saying nothing when I am right.