alcoholism

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Wither Mental Health in the United States


We are by far the richest nation in the world. But we are 20th in the world in dealing with mental health issues. What countries do we trail? Pick pretty much any country in western Europe plus Japan and you start to get the idea. According to the Well Being Port, which is based on the well-being of any one country versus its mental health care. We are number 3 in well-being worldwide. That means that we rank 20th in mental health paints an even gloomier picture of our approach.

What is mental health? According to the report cited above, 1 in 5 Americans will encounter and mental health crisis at some time during their life. But among those figures, and one least written about is addiction which includes alcoholism. According to the World Population Review, the rate of alcoholism and addiction in the U.S. is among the highest in the world. I think this speaks loudly to our desire to take on these health issues directly. Again, countries such as Sweden, Austria and others have a much lower rate of these diseases. This is not a statistic anomaly, but a reality.

It is strange that anytime a Republican speak of mental health, it is only when there has been some sort of mass shooting. They are most certainly only trying to curry favor with the NRA and have no real empathy for those who suffer a mental illness.

The streets of the cities of the U.S. are littered with the mentally ill. There was a time when such people could be institutionalized until they were stabilized and of no danger to themselves or others. But in the 1970s Democrats in particular, viewed this as involuntary incarceration. If you care to wax philosophically about the, yes, that state is true. But is that good policy for those who suffer? It definitely is not. But also in the 1970s, there was a lack of psychiatric facilities for pure mental illness and a lack of facilities to treat those with drug and alcohol addiction. That has changed somewhat, although medical hospitals are want to treat the mentally ill past 2 weeks and almost uniformly refuse to provide in-patient care for drug and alcohol abuse.

This year, as our debt limit crisis is apparently avoided, Democrats refused to cut back on funding for mental health. But that is like saying, I will pay you 25 cents for your $1 product. Republicans on the other side, tried to reduce funding for those on public assistance. Well, news flash to the Republicans in denial, many of those on such assistance get government aid in the form of public assistance. The answer here is, if you want to reduce how much you pay into public assistance, put more into programs that directly assist those with mental health issues.

In a chapter of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, written over 80 years ago, Dr. Silkwood, at that time, described alcoholism as a health issue and not one of moral character. And yet still today we treat these individuals as pariahs of the general public. Many employers upon discovering an employee with drinking problems that lead to substandard work, fire such individuals rather than help them find assistance. They simply cite the lack of quality work as the reason for the firing. In truth, it is the combination of these factors. If a person get cancer, they cannot be summarily discharged because they miss so much work. There is a little known law by the public which is a portion of the American with Disabilities Act call the Reasonable Accommodation portion of the law which requires companies to work with people who present every sort of disability. Alcoholism and addiction are most definitely disabilities.

In short, we are failing all around to treat the most treatable illnesses today. Some mental illnesses, such as schizophrenia and psychosis, defy physicians best efforts to contain them. But for the most part, people with mental illnesses can be fully productive provided they receive proper mental health care. Personally, I have what is called, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I have been on medications for over 40 years and there is little likelihood that I will ever fully recover. And yet, I lead a quiet but happy life. That is because via good health insurance and the Veterans Administration, I am fully cared for. But I believe I am in the minority who receives such care.

It is long overdue that our politicians, of any stripe, step up to the plate and put forth a rigorous plan that attacks the root forms of mental health in our country. We would do well to publicly fund treatment facilities for anyone who suffers any sort of mental illness. The result of this would be two-fold, they would get well and they would become healthy supporters of our economy. This might sound like a huge influx of cash by our federal government, which it would be, but it will reduce the costs of funding other portions of our public sector.

We each have a duty to help those in need. We cannot turn a blind eye to such problems and call ourselves good people. It is good to practice the help as you would wish to be helped thinking we must embrace.

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My Peculiar (?) Version of Alcoholism


What follows is a true story and solely my experience. Alcoholism does not run in my family. My parents were not alcoholics, my sister isn’t, but I am not sure about my brother, probably not though. The only person in my extended family who definitely was one was my favorite cousin. And he was that long before I took my first drink.

Just a tiny bit of background. From a young age, my mother would allow me to take a sip of the wine she had set out for my father for when he got home from work. It was love at first sip and I sipped for many many years. I once heard a fellow share at a meeting that the legal age for drinking in South Boston was 12. He was joking, of course, but he was putting a date on the beginning of his drinking career and I have heard a lot of people put similar dates on their drinking careers. But for me, my first drink happened at age 19 at the Fort Wolters (TX) officers’ club. And it was not just one drink. That would have been too easy. No, I went through 23 drinks, all but one of the 7 and 7 variety. Needless to say I was blackout drunk. And a little later that evening I made a total fool out of myself back at the barracks where I managed to fall completely down the barracks stairs from the 2nd floor to the first and then tumble into the latrine there hitting my head hard on the concrete floor. A number of my mates rush to see if I hadn’t killed myself.

And that was the last drink I took until January of the following year, 1969. I was stationed in Korea in what was ostensibly a war zone. In those days Korea was a very lonely place for a person who did not make friends easily. I discovered a club called the USOM (United States Overseas Mission) Club. I don’t know what their mission was but it was there that I took up drinking straight shots of rum. A very fast, cheap, drunk that was. In those days it was rare that a military person had to pay more than 25 cents for a drink of hard alcohol. After $3 you could be really drunk. Many was the night I did exactly that.

As an aside, for now, I entered a contest called “The Miller Man Contest” whose first prize was R&R in Hawaii. I entered it and immediately forgot all about it.

When I returned to the U.S. in December 1969 I had no thought of drinking. My father died almost exactly one month later, January 24, 1970. A month later, while I was suffering from a particularly bad case of the flu, there came a knock at the side door. Upon answering it the man on the other side asked, “Where do you want it?”

“Where do I want what?”

“Twelve cases of Miller beer.” It seems I had won an alternate prize. Curiously, at that moment I did not care for beer and suddenly I had 12 cases of it! I did sell off over half of it but I also gain a taste for it. But there was no getting drunk. In fact, between then and October of that year, I barely had anything to drink at all. October 1970 is when I went back into the army and found myself stationed in Italy. I never drank every day in Italy but when I did, it was always for the same two reasons. I either wanted to escape reality or I wanted to feel sociable. In other words, I saw alcohol as medicine and that never changed.

There were only a couple of times in my entire drinking career where I drank a got drunk for more than a couple of days in a row. And those times were me drinking for a week solid. But then I’d stop. And I could stay stopped for a month. But put a little stress on me and I was looking for a drink to release the stress. It never occurred to me that stress relief would come via facing what was challenging me.

I cannot say I never drank in the morning, I did. I cannot say I never drove drunk, I did. But most importantly, I cannot say that my drinking only hurt me, it did not. Most importantly, it hurt what should have been healthy relationships, my wife, my daughters in particular.

In the final years, I had so many liquid lunches it was ridiculous! I had one half hour for lunch at work. My half hour started at about 11:30 and ended at 1, regularly. And I was always chasing that “buzz” which left me feeling good. But mostly I blew past the buzz and into another universe.

Finally, on July 3, 1998, I was out and about in Boston with my girlfriend. We started drinking about 11 and continued on. I can remember at the first place we stopped I ordered a beer, it was a hot and humid day, and I told the waitress that as soon as she went back to bring me a second beer because I would definitely be done with the first, and that is exactly what happened.

From there my girlfriend and I wandered down the Boston Esplanade to a place where we lay down in the grass and just took everything in. I actually sobered up. But when I got up I felt light headed. And when I started to walk, I found breathing a bit difficult. My girlfriend looked at me and told me that I literally looked gray. She thought it best we call an ambulance but I objected, saying that the Massachusetts General Hospital was so close that I could easily get there. Well, that meant I had to climb and cross this foot bridge over a busy thoroughfare to the hospital. It took all the will-power I could muster to make it over that bridge and then fall into the emergency room. It took the doctors fewer than 3 minutes to diagnose me with having a heart attack.

A doctor a little later came by me and said, “you have to stop drinking and drugging.” To which I replied, “but I don’t drink!” Alcoholics are really smart people who while drinking say incredibly dumb things. And there I was, instead of denying the drugs, which would have been the truth, I picked alcohol, which was the problem. It never occurred to me that this trained observer, this physician actually knew what he was seeing and talking about.

It wasn’t until later October that I found my way to Alcoholics Anonymous and had my last drink. I put my sober date at November 1, 1998 because I had no faith in myself that I could remember something like October 23 which was probably the last day.

But I was still not an alcoholic, in my mind. I went to meetings because they promised to make my life better if I would stay away from a drink a day at a time. I figured that was a fair trade and also, I was desperate. Even more, where step 2 of the 12 steps refers to a return to sanity, I knew I was crazy and if this 12-step program could stop the crazy in me, I was all in. And it actually took me a few years before I realized that I was truly an alcoholic.

Today, 21 years and 4 months later, my life is really good. I could still argue that I am not an alcoholic but to what end? The kindness, the wisdom, the friendship I found in all those meeting I went to are second only to the birth of my daughters. And without the meetings, saying I was still alive, it is doubtful I would have any of my daughters in my life today, or anyone else for that matter.

My story illustrates that you do not have to drink everyday to be an alcoholic. If you drink to be sociable, because otherwise you cannot, you might think about it. If you find yourself getting blackout drunk, you might want to think about it. If you find yourself waking up in strange places with no idea of how you got there, you might want to think about. If you think you are too young to be an alcoholic, think again. Were that true there would not be alcoholics anonymous meeting meant for young people, teenagers are regularly sighted at such meetings. And if what I have offered about is not enough,

If you are reading this and wondering if you are an alcoholic do this: make a vow to yourself that you will not drink for 90 consecutive days and that for each of those 90 days you will find an A.A. meeting, attend it, raise your hand a tell people what’s going on with you, and stay after the meeting to talk to members of the meeting. I promise you this, you will not regret it.

If you remain unconvinced, take a minute to take the test below which was developed by Johns Hopkins University.

20-Question Addiction Questionnaire John Hopkins
Johns Hopkins University developed the following self-test for identifying alcoholism and addiction. Please answer the questions as honestly as possible.

  1. Do you lose time from work due to drinking or drug use?
  2. Is drinking or drug use making your home life unhappy?
  3. Do you drink or use drugs because you are shy with other people?
  4. Is drinking or drug use affecting your reputation?
  5. Have you ever felt remorse after drinking or drug use?
  6. Have you gotten into financial difficulties as a result of your drinking or drug use?
  7. Do you turn to lower companions and an inferior environment when drinking or using drugs?
  8. Does your drinking or drug use make you careless of your family’s welfare?
  9. Has your ambition decreased since drinking or using drugs?
  10. Do you crave a drink or a drug at a definite time daily?
  11. Do you want a drink or drug the next morning?
  12. Does your drinking or drug use cause you to have difficulties in sleeping?
  13. Has your efficiency decreased since drinking or using drugs?
  14. Is your drinking or drug use jeopardizing your job or business?
  15. Do you drink or use drugs to escape from worries or troubles?
  16. Do you drink or use drugs alone?
  17. Have you ever had a complete loss of memory?
  18. Has your physician ever treated you for drinking or drug use?
  19. Do you drink or use drugs to build your self-confidence?
  20. Have you ever been in a hospital or institution on account of drinking or drug use?

If you answered “yes” to 3 questions, it suggests you probably have a drinking or drug problem.
If you answered “yes” to 4-7 questions, it suggests you may be in an early stage of alcoholism or drug addiction.
If you answered “yes” to 7-10 questions, it suggests you may be in the second stage of alcoholism or drug addiction.
If you answered “yes” to more than 10 questions, it suggests you may be in end-stage alcoholism or drug addiction.

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Alcoholism Among Teens and 20-somethings


Alcoholism in America remains in the closet in spite of its acceptance by the medical community as a disease. And since this disease is listed as a mental disorder, it is doubly stigmatized. Worse, most people have no idea what it takes to be an alcoholic. Most see alcoholics in their mind as a person who lives on the street, is unemployed and who is at least 40 years old. In truth, none of those generalizations is truthful.

Few people ever think of someone in the 12 to 25 age group as being alcoholics. According to the National Institute of Health, people from age 12 to 18 reported 3.4% are heavy drinkers. For college students 18 – 22 reported 12.5% are heavy drinkers and binge drinking is 3 to 4 times the afore listed rates.
Because alcoholism is a mental disorder those in the age group described above are least likely to believe they are an alcoholic. Here are some of the common reasons given by 12 to 25-year-olds for why they are not an alcoholic:

• I’m too young
• I don’t drink every day
• I can stop anytime
• I’m doing all right in school
• I’ve never gotten a DUI
• I’ve only blacked out a couple of times

Chief among the reason for not being an alcoholic is age. There is a perception that to become an alcoholic takes many years of heavy drinking, drinking every day, and being at least 40. But in truth, if you drink because it makes you feel good, because it gets rid of bad feelings, because everyone your age is doing it and because it allows you to be more social are all indicators that you might have a drinking problem.

What follows is the Johns Hopkins University test for being an alcoholic. Go through these and see how many apply to you.
1 Have you lost time from your work because of your drinking?
2 Is drinking making your home life unhappy?
3 Do you drink because you are shy with other people?
4 Is drinking affecting your reputation?
5 Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?
6 Have you gotten into financial difficulties as a result of drinking?
7 Do you turn to lower companions or environment when drinking?
8 Does your drinking make you careless of your family’s welfare?
9 Has your ambition decreased since drinking?
10 Do you want a drink the next morning?
11 Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily?
12 Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
13 Has your efficiency decreased since drinking?
14 Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business?
15 Do you drink to escape from worries or trouble?
16 Do you drink alone?
17 Have you ever had a complete loss of memory as a result of drinking?
18 Has your physician ever treated you for drinking?
19 Do you drink to build up your self-confidence?
20 Have you ever been to a hospital or institution on account of drinking?

You need only have answered yes to 3 of these questions to most likely be an alcoholic.

For the young person, questions 15 to 19 are probably the most telling and most likely to have said “yes” to. Answering yes to even one of these questions suggests an underlying problem.
Being an alcoholic is as much a why question as it is a how much question. That is, if you drink because you are feeling depressed, because you cannot be social otherwise, or because you have some really negative feelings, then you have a drinking problem. You have nothing to lose by deciding you have a drinking problem you cannot fix. Help is everywhere in the form of Alcoholics Anonymous.

The good news for young people is that there are thousands just like you out there. And even better, if you live near a city, there most likely are meetings for you. They are called “Young People Meetings.” And within these groups, you will find a secondary group that refers to itself as “never had a legal drink.” And the really good news is, within each meeting you go to you will find someone else who has exactly the same problem as you who have found a solution to that problem, and others. You need only ask, and they will tell you how they did it.

It does not matter if there are no young people’s meetings near you, the regular AA meeting will help you more than you can imagine. The first step is in saying that you have a problem you cannot resolve. Take that problem to a meeting and in time it will be resolved.

For more information please visit Alcoholics Anonymous’ Internet site at:

http://www.aa.org.

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Bring Mental Illness Out of the Closet


What is mental illness? “Mental illnesses are health conditions involving changes in thinking, emotion or behavior (or a combination of these). Mental illnesses are associated with distress and/or problems functioning in social, work or family activities.” (https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/what-is-mental-illness) This definition is what the American Psychiatric Association declares.

 
But mental illness has yet to gain full acceptance among the general population and, of course, insurance companies. People fear going to see a psychiatrist, psychologist or social worker because to the stigma attached. That is the thinking, but it is incorrect, and I will speak on it a bit later.

 
I suffered from depression for most of my childhood and adult life. Several times I had to be hospitalized because of it. This, of course, allows me insight into the disease. I venture to say that every person on earth has at one time or another suffered from mental illness. Many have not recognized it as such because they fully recovered in reasonable time.

 
When the words “mental illness” are proffered, people tend to go to the extreme and think the suffering person likely is schizophrenic or psychotic. But in truth, most mental illnesses are a much more benign form. Chief among these is depression. I think everyone struggles with a bout of depression at some point in their life, sometimes caused by death of a parent or friend, extraordinary stress in the work environment, or financial problems. These sorts of depression can be easily dealt with by short term therapy. And many times, without the necessity of medication.
But when depression causes a person to stop doing normal things for a long term, months, it is likely that the person will need a heavy dose of psycho-therapy combined with medication. Such depressions present in women after birth, post-partum depression, after the death of a child, after rape, incest, attack on the person’s life and so forth. And as funny as it may sound to hear, these depressions are rather normal reactions to traumas. Be assured, the road to recovery from these situations varies but is quite frequently long-term.

 
Then there are two psychiatric illness which most of the public fails to recognize as such: alcoholism and drug addiction. These diseases, however, are the outward manifestation of more serious illnesses. People frequently use alcohol to get rid of the fear they have when entering either a very stressful situation or a social situation. Alcohol does the job, quite well too. And since it works, the person uses it more and more both for the original reasons and then for other reasons their mind says that alcohol would be useful. This is generally referred to as self-medication. The problem, of course, it that the individual is failing to deal with the root problem. And by not dealing with those problems they, like most other illnesses, only get worse and require more “medication.” The person finally gets to the point when he is using alcohol daily because it makes him feel good, until is doesn’t. The, “until is doesn’t” happens when the person gets fired from a job, loses a spouse, becomes overwhelmingly in debt, and many other situations. It is basically the same for the drug addict.

 
It is important to recognize that these are not bad people who need to get good but are sick people who need to get well. But where? A person is declared in need of a detox but when the advocate, usually the person’s physician, calls around looking for a bed is such a facility they find there are no beds to be had. There, of course, are the detoxes where a person has to pay but most people cannot afford the out of pocket expense.
Alcoholics and addicts need a minimum of 90 days in a detox, but most detoxes push these people out after two weeks. Some, state run facilities, allow for longer stays. At the heart of these problems is the insurance companies which refuse to pay for more than a 2 week stay. The likelihood of a person staying clean and sober after a two-week stay is near zero.

 
There is a common theme here. Every one of the various types of mental illnesses I have brought up, the person involved has a feeling of not being worthy, feeling useless, of having something deep within themselves which feels so horrible that they feel shameful and cannot find it within themselves to share their deep dark secrets. And in the end, it is one of these deep dark secrets, their demons, that turns the person either suicidal or alcohol and/or drug dependent.

 
The bottom line is that we are doing a horrible job in helping these people. We must remove the stigmatism attached to mental illness. We must get all insurance companies to treat mental illness the same way they would treat any other illness. We must insure that there are sufficient facilities to deal with those who sick and suffering.

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The True Opioid and Alcohol Crisis


Our country has taken to heart the “opioid crisis” as it should. But there is nothing new about this crisis as it has been around for at least 100 years. What they are really saying, but won’t, is that the prescription opioid has gotten out of control. People are prescribed an opioid based medication for pain relief and soon find themselves addicted. According to the U.S. Center for Disease Control there are approximately 11,000 opioid deaths per year. The notion here is that either doctors are over-prescribing opioid-based medications or that the addict is easily finding the same medications on the street.
But the real addiction crisis in America is alcoholism. According to the CDC approximately 88,000 people die annually from alcoholism. That’s an 8:1 ratio making alcoholism something greater than a crisis if we are going to apply that apelet to opioids. But I have heard nothing on the news or elsewhere that this crisis is getting much attention.

 
The problems with treating either addiction starts with the insurance companies. Most, if not all, insurance carriers provide very little assistance in this area. What they are willing to give is a 2-week in-patient treatment followed by out-patient treatment. There is one very simple problem to this approach. The alcoholic and the addict each need at least a 90-day in-patient program to stabilize them. And even that may not be enough as relapse among even those who have been in a 90-day program is high. Both the alcoholic and the addict tend to need long-term treatment, the length dependent entirely upon the individual.

 
The underlying issue for most, if not all, alcoholics and addicts, is unresolved serious issues earlier in their lives which leave them feeling “less than,” suffering from depression and/or a myriad of other psychiatric issues. But the way the insurance industry followed by the medical community, is to treat the symptom without even evaluating the patient for the real underlying issues.
I was recently hospitalized for a possible heart issue. I had a heart attack 20-years ago and am always considered an at-risk person. While in one of great Boston’s excellent hospitals, I struck up a conversation with the man in the other bed in my room. As it turned out he was an alcoholic. One of the consequences of untreated alcoholism is liver failure. As the liver fails fluid collects in the abdomen causing it to bulge. I found out that this man had had 3.5 liters of fluid removed but still had at least another 10 liters needing removal. He was given the medication Ativan because he was detoxing and without that medication he was likely to experience the delirium tremens, DTs, of withdrawal.

 
For reasons I could not be privy to, the hospital was only treating his liver issue, the fluid. Although he had a good insurance plan, the hospital, a fairly large one, did not have a detox facility and no program to treat an alcoholic on an in-patient basis. This brings us back to the money issue, insurance. Hospitals cannot survive giving the addict and alcoholic the treatment they desperately need and not get paid for it by the insurance companies.

 
The National Institute of Health estimates that there are more than 15 million alcoholics in the U.S. today. That comes to about 5% of the entire U.S. population. Other studies have suggested that upwards to 10% of the population suffers from alcoholism. Most, unfortunately, are untreated. And there is the crisis. What I said about alcoholism equally applies to addiction, be it medical based opioids or street drugs.
Right now the number of facilities that are prepared to properly treat the alcoholic or addict is low. The alcoholic or addict who applies to get into one of these facilities is usually greeted by the statement that there is no bed available. At that point the alcoholic gives up and goes back to drinking.

 
I suspect that in the era of modern medicine, there has never been a concerted effort to treat alcoholics and addicts. These people who suffer from an identified medical, and frequently a psychiatric, illness fall victim to the insurance industry which simply is not interested in dealing with alcoholics and addicts. The irony in all this is that the insurance companies end up paying for alcohol and drug induced ailments over long periods of time which is always very costly. These costs are easily reduced by proper treatment of alcoholics and addicts. The question is: when are the insurance companies going to come to this realization and when is the medical community going to start pushing back at the insurance companies to compel them to act in a more responsible manner?

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Florida’s New Welfare Law Disregards Simple Human Decency


For probably four thousand years, people have had to deal with addiction. Drug addiction and alcoholism are two of the most misunderstood issues in today’s society. And until the late 1930s people probably had good reason to believe those issues were of a moral nature. Then a man named William Wilson and his friend, Dr. Robert Silkworth, took a different view of the issue. Dr. Bob, as he was known, defined alcoholism, and by default addiction, as a medical issue and not a moral issue.

The start of both alcoholism and addiction is a matter of choice. But there is a marked difference between the alcoholic to be and others in taking their first drink. The alcoholic to be uses a drink as one would take aspirin for a headache, to him it is medication. The same is true for the addict to be. And this means that there is far more to this disease than meets the eye. It means that absent an historical view of the individual, it is easy to lay blame at the feet of the alcoholic or addict. But that is simply not the case.

Alcoholics and addicts share common traits: past traumas, untreated psychological issues, and sometimes other medical issues. Taking the last first, it is not uncommon for a person who is prescribed one of the opioid medications to become addicted through long-term use. This means that once the physical necessity has passed a psychological necessity kicks in. Where a well-grounded person will overcome this short-term addiction, the psychologically damaged person will not even try. Or if he does try, will give into temptation.

One of the most common expressions in use in our society today is: “After that, I need a drink!” Or, “If you had to put up with that, you’d need a drink too.” The simple fact is, there has never lived the person who truly “needed a drink.” What such people are seeking is an escape. Most of those people will not become alcoholics but some will. But our society does not challenge the idea of a drink of alcohol as ever being a necessity.

For the most part, alcoholism and drug addiction starts at a young age. In meetings of alcoholics anonymous the story of getting drunk in the early teen years is quite common. But even though nationally the drinking age is 21, underage drinking is not only common but accepted. That being true, the fault lies in our society’s mores. With society allowing teens to have parties with alcohol, they are not considering that the use of drugs in such parties becomes quite possible. It is well-known that alcohol and drug addiction usually starts at a young age. This means as a society, we can do something about it by become vigilant and not turning our heads to underage drinking.

Medical research has shown that the brain is not fully formed in females until about their 21st birthday and for males it is even later. Research at the University of Rochester suggests that full development for everyone is about the 25th year. (https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentTypeID=1&ContentID=3051)

It is also well documented that the use of alcohol and drugs retards the growth of the brain as-well-as a person’s psychological growth. Sadly, the incident of alcoholism and drug addiction by age 25 is extremely high relative to other age groups after the 25th year. But this same research has shown that the person who becomes the alcoholic or addict has his ability to choose against drinking or drugging taken away. Alcohol and drug use has gone from choice to necessity. This, by definition, puts it into the category of a medical disease.

This all brings me to the law the state of Florida just passed requiring drug screening of welfare applicants. If a person tests positive for a banned substance, they are denied access to welfare. The problem with this approach is that is simply exacerbates the situation. It seems the rationale behind such a law is to curb the use of illegal drugs by welfare applicants. But that of course ignores the fact that these are sick people who need to get well and not bad people who need to become good.

It is time we all become “our brother’s keeper.” I mean that in the sense that we as a society must become responsible for all those suffering from alcoholism, drug addiction and all forms of mental disease and disorder. A disease of the mind is difficult to both understand and treat but it is none the less a disease just as getting the flu, cancer, or malaria is. We do not stigmatize, for the most part, people who contract diseases in the rest of the body, why must we continue to stigmatize those with diseases centered in the brain?

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At Home with Alcoholics Anonymous as Told by Robert Frost


As far as I know, Robert Frost was not an alcoholic.  When it comes to poetry, I am a true philistine but Robert Frost speaks to me, I get him.  One of his poems could easily be adopted by AA as its signature piece.  The name of the poem it “The Death of the Hired Man” and it follows here.  In there you will find he says,  “Home is the place where, when you have to go there, They have to take you in.”

That is an absolute truth about all AA meetings.  I welcome you home.

The Death of the Hired Man

By Robert Frost 1874–1963 Robert Frost

Mary sat musing on the lamp-flame at the table
Waiting for Warren. When she heard his step,
She ran on tip-toe down the darkened passage
To meet him in the doorway with the news
And put him on his guard. ‘Silas is back.’
She pushed him outward with her through the door
And shut it after her. ‘Be kind,’ she said.
She took the market things from Warren’s arms
And set them on the porch, then drew him down
To sit beside her on the wooden steps.
‘When was I ever anything but kind to him?
But I’ll not have the fellow back,’ he said.
‘I told him so last haying, didn’t I?
If he left then, I said, that ended it.
What good is he? Who else will harbor him
At his age for the little he can do?
What help he is there’s no depending on.
Off he goes always when I need him most.
He thinks he ought to earn a little pay,
Enough at least to buy tobacco with,
So he won’t have to beg and be beholden.
“All right,” I say, “I can’t afford to pay
Any fixed wages, though I wish I could.”
“Someone else can.” “Then someone else will have to.”
I shouldn’t mind his bettering himself
If that was what it was. You can be certain,
When he begins like that, there’s someone at him
Trying to coax him off with pocket-money,—
In haying time, when any help is scarce.
In winter he comes back to us. I’m done.’
‘Sh! not so loud: he’ll hear you,’ Mary said.
‘I want him to: he’ll have to soon or late.’
‘He’s worn out. He’s asleep beside the stove.
When I came up from Rowe’s I found him here,
Huddled against the barn-door fast asleep,
A miserable sight, and frightening, too—
You needn’t smile—I didn’t recognize him—
I wasn’t looking for him—and he’s changed.
Wait till you see.’
                          ‘Where did you say he’d been?’
‘He didn’t say. I dragged him to the house,
And gave him tea and tried to make him smoke.
I tried to make him talk about his travels.
Nothing would do: he just kept nodding off.’
‘What did he say? Did he say anything?’
‘But little.’
                ‘Anything? Mary, confess
He said he’d come to ditch the meadow for me.’
‘Warren!’
              ‘But did he? I just want to know.’
‘Of course he did. What would you have him say?
Surely you wouldn’t grudge the poor old man
Some humble way to save his self-respect.
He added, if you really care to know,
He meant to clear the upper pasture, too.
That sounds like something you have heard before?
Warren, I wish you could have heard the way
He jumbled everything. I stopped to look
Two or three times—he made me feel so queer—
To see if he was talking in his sleep.
He ran on Harold Wilson—you remember—
The boy you had in haying four years since.
He’s finished school, and teaching in his college.
Silas declares you’ll have to get him back.
He says they two will make a team for work:
Between them they will lay this farm as smooth!
The way he mixed that in with other things.
He thinks young Wilson a likely lad, though daft
On education—you know how they fought
All through July under the blazing sun,
Silas up on the cart to build the load,
Harold along beside to pitch it on.’
‘Yes, I took care to keep well out of earshot.’
‘Well, those days trouble Silas like a dream.
You wouldn’t think they would. How some things linger!
Harold’s young college boy’s assurance piqued him.
After so many years he still keeps finding
Good arguments he sees he might have used.
I sympathize. I know just how it feels
To think of the right thing to say too late.
Harold’s associated in his mind with Latin.
He asked me what I thought of Harold’s saying
He studied Latin like the violin
Because he liked it—that an argument!
He said he couldn’t make the boy believe
He could find water with a hazel prong—
Which showed how much good school had ever done him.
He wanted to go over that. But most of all
He thinks if he could have another chance
To teach him how to build a load of hay—’
‘I know, that’s Silas’ one accomplishment.
He bundles every forkful in its place,
And tags and numbers it for future reference,
So he can find and easily dislodge it
In the unloading. Silas does that well.
He takes it out in bunches like big birds’ nests.
You never see him standing on the hay
He’s trying to lift, straining to lift himself.’
‘He thinks if he could teach him that, he’d be
Some good perhaps to someone in the world.
He hates to see a boy the fool of books.
Poor Silas, so concerned for other folk,
And nothing to look backward to with pride,
And nothing to look forward to with hope,
So now and never any different.’
Part of a moon was falling down the west,
Dragging the whole sky with it to the hills.
Its light poured softly in her lap. She saw it
And spread her apron to it. She put out her hand
Among the harp-like morning-glory strings,
Taut with the dew from garden bed to eaves,
As if she played unheard some tenderness
That wrought on him beside her in the night.
‘Warren,’ she said, ‘he has come home to die:
You needn’t be afraid he’ll leave you this time.’
‘Home,’ he mocked gently.
                                       ‘Yes, what else but home?
It all depends on what you mean by home.
Of course he’s nothing to us, any more
Than was the hound that came a stranger to us
Out of the woods, worn out upon the trail.’
‘Home is the place where, when you have to go there,
They have to take you in.’
                                      ‘I should have called it
Something you somehow haven’t to deserve.’
Warren leaned out and took a step or two,
Picked up a little stick, and brought it back
And broke it in his hand and tossed it by.
‘Silas has better claim on us you think
Than on his brother? Thirteen little miles
As the road winds would bring him to his door.
Silas has walked that far no doubt today.
Why didn’t he go there? His brother’s rich,
A somebody—director in the bank.’
‘He never told us that.’
                                  ‘We know it though.’
‘I think his brother ought to help, of course.
I’ll see to that if there is need. He ought of right
To take him in, and might be willing to—
He may be better than appearances.
But have some pity on Silas. Do you think
If he’d had any pride in claiming kin
Or anything he looked for from his brother,
He’d keep so still about him all this time?’
‘I wonder what’s between them.’
                                                ‘I can tell you.
Silas is what he is—we wouldn’t mind him—
But just the kind that kinsfolk can’t abide.
He never did a thing so very bad.
He don’t know why he isn’t quite as good
As anyone. Worthless though he is,
He won’t be made ashamed to please his brother.’
‘I can’t think Si ever hurt anyone.’
‘No, but he hurt my heart the way he lay
And rolled his old head on that sharp-edged chair-back.
He wouldn’t let me put him on the lounge.
You must go in and see what you can do.
I made the bed up for him there tonight.
You’ll be surprised at him—how much he’s broken.
His working days are done; I’m sure of it.’
‘I’d not be in a hurry to say that.’
‘I haven’t been. Go, look, see for yourself.
But, Warren, please remember how it is:
He’s come to help you ditch the meadow.
He has a plan. You mustn’t laugh at him.
He may not speak of it, and then he may.
I’ll sit and see if that small sailing cloud
Will hit or miss the moon.’
                                      It hit the moon.
Then there were three there, making a dim row,
The moon, the little silver cloud, and she.
Warren returned—too soon, it seemed to her,
Slipped to her side, caught up her hand and waited.
‘Warren,’ she questioned.
                                     ‘Dead,’ was all he answered.
by

I’m Only 25! How Can I Be an Alcoholic?


Alcoholism is a disease. Alcoholism is a disorder. There are two camps of thought on this be regardless of which you chose, alcoholism is a problem that no one disputes, except the alcoholic of course. The NIH has 11 criteria for alcoholism only two of which need be present:

  • Had times when you ended up drinking more, or longer than you intended?
  • More than once wanted to cut down or stop drinking, or tried to, but couldn’t?
  • Spent a lot of time drinking? Or being sick or getting over the aftereffects?
  • Experienced craving — a strong need, or urge, to drink?
  • Found that drinking — or being sick from drinking — often interfered with taking care of your home or family? Or caused job troubles? Or school problems?
  • Continued to drink even though it was causing trouble with your family or friends?
  • Given up or cut back on activities that were important or interesting to you, or gave you pleasure, in order to drink?
  • More than once gotten into situations while or after drinking that increased your chances of getting hurt (such as driving, swimming, using machinery, walking in a dangerous area, or having unsafe sex)?
  • Continued to drink even though it was making you feel depressed or anxious or adding to another health problem? Or after having had a memory blackout?
  • Had to drink much more than you once did to get the effect you want? Or found that your usual number of drinks had much less effect than before?
  • Found that when the effects of alcohol were wearing off, you had withdrawal symptoms, such as trouble sleeping, shakiness, irritability, anxiety, depression, restlessness, nausea, or sweating? Or sensed things that were not there?But I am speaking specifically to those of you in your teens and 20s. The common refrain is: “But I’m on 25, how can I be an alcoholic?” Because 2 of the examples above are present.

Still not convinced? Okay, years ago Johns Hopkins University came up with 20 questions for those who doubt or think they might have a problem with drinking:

Now remember, you need only identify with 2 of the above to be an alcoholic.

  1. Do you lose time from work due to your drinking?
  2. Is drinking making your home life unhappy?
  3. Do you drink because you are shy with other people?
  4. Is drinking affecting your reputation?
  5. Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?
  6. Have you gotten into financial difficulties as a result of your drinking?
  7. Do you turn to lower companions and an inferior environment when drinking?
  8. Does your drinking make you careless of your family’s welfare?
  9. Has your ambition decreased since drinking?
  10. Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily?
  11. Do you want a drink the next morning?
  12. Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
  13. Has your efficiency decreased since drinking?
  14. Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business?
  15. Do you drink to escape from worries or troubles?
  16. Do you drink alone?
  17. Have you ever had a complete loss of memory as a result of your drinking?
  18. Has your physician ever treated you for drinking?
  19. Do you drink to build up your self-confidence?
  20. Have you ever been in a hospital or institution on account of drinking?

And here is what they say if you respond in the positive to any of these questions:

“If you have answered YES to any one of the questions, there is a definite warning that you may be an alcoholic.

If you have answered YES to any two, the chances are that you are an alcoholic.

If you have answered YES to three or more, you are definitely an alcoholic.”

I answered “yes” to 11 of them. But still I did not believe because I was never an everyday drinker. I seldom got drunk. I lost only one job because of drinking. I was never arrested for DUI, nor even stopped. And when I joined AA, I had held the same job for 10 years, always showed up on time and did my job. So how could I be an alcoholic?

Because I, in a moment of honesty, answered yes to 11 of the questions above. Because I was in desperate straits and thought I was on the cusp of total destruction. Because I had almost no friends, my family desired I say away from them and I was a wreck. Anyone who observed me could easily have made the comment “you’re a wreck! You need help!” without ever seeing me take a single drink.

Well, let’s go back to my 25-year-old. First of all, alcoholism does not care what age you are, what your financial standing is, how smart you are, what race you are, what religion you are, or anything else you can think of which would preclude you from being an alcoholic. It simply, like any disease, does not care. Physicians and health care providers are at a loss to predict when any one person will cross that line from being a non-alcoholic to being an alcoholic. But they do know, once you become one, you are always one.

I have been in Alcoholics Anonymous for over 17 years now. But when I had been in A.A. for fewer than 90 days I saw a teenage girl of 15 getting her one-year sober medallion. Age is irrelevant. Alcoholism is so prevalent among teens and 20-somethings in our society, that with A.A. there exist hundreds of meeting referred to as “young peoples meetings.” I went to one once, was invited, and there was a room of about 30 or so young people in attendance. Each had stopped fighting the idea that they had a problem with alcohol. Each had made an honest assessment of their life up to that point and saw that denial of the obvious was a hopeless battle.

Today, five days a week, I go to a meeting in Boston in which there are usually about 6 people under 30. One just turned 20.

It is extremely difficult for a young person to believe that they can possibly be an alcoholic, particularly when they see all their friends “partying” and drinking to their heart’s desire. But the question cannot be about what they are doing and why. It necessarily must be about you and why you are drinking. When I first started drinking I was 19. A late comer who did all he could do to make up for lost time. But more importantly, I wanted to be a person who could party, comfortably. I had no self-confidence that I, as a sober person, could possibly have fun at a party. I would be too shy, too withdrawn, too something to enjoy myself. And so, like when I got a headache and took some aspirin, when I was going to a party I made certain that I drank prior to arriving. Alcohol was medication to me, and it worked! Oh yes, it did indeed work. I had a good old time. But I failed to ask the question, at what expense? I failed to see people inching away from a drunk, me, who was making a fool of himself. I failed to see, even more importantly, that I was using alcohol as an anesthetic to cover over my underlying problems. My shyness was the result of something. My social awkwardness was the result of something, my inability to enjoy myself sober at a party was the result of something. The non-alcoholic addresses those issues and others straight on. The alcoholic decides that there is nothing quite like a good numbing agent.

There is a ton of bad logic in alcoholic thinking. Most importantly, the alcoholic convinces himself through drinking that he can do something he might otherwise think impossible. The bad logic there is simple: sober people who try something and fail either go right back at it again or seek out help in overcoming their problem.

So here we are. If you are still reading this, you are probably struggling with the possibility that you might have a problem with alcohol. I will give you an easy way out. Find an A.A. meeting in your area. They’re everywhere and you can usually find a phone number in the phone book of an A.A. help line. If you cannot, contact me and I guarantee I will find you not one, but a dozen meetings so that you will have choices. And once you attend that first meeting, if you cannot say the words “I am an alcoholic” then simply say “Hi, my name is Joe, and I don’t want to drink today.” That phrase is accepted in AA everywhere around the world.

But go to the meeting with a purpose beyond just seeing what it is all about. Go there with the idea of finding someone who you identify with who you can talk with after the meeting to help you with your decisions.

Now, I have a challenge for you. Imagine that for Lent this year, it starts February 10, you gave up alcohol. Lent only last for 40 days so that should be an easy task. Now here’s the curve ball, you know for fact that on February 13, just 3 days into Lent, there is going to be this huge Valentine’s Day party at which you know there is going to be a ton of alcohol. How likely is it you can attend that even and limit yourself to drinks which contain no alcohol? Oh, and for the record, those drinks which call themselves “non-alcoholic beer” and others like it, contain alcohol. They can claim to be non-alcoholic because they contain 0.5% by volume of alcohol. Therefore, you would be not allowed to drink such drinks either. The non-alcoholic finds such a task laughable because they feel no need. When the non-alcoholic takes on the job of designated driver, she is quite content with drinking coke, juice or even just water. It does not have any impact upon how much fun she will have.

One of the great lies alcoholics tell themselves and anyone who will listen is, “I can stop anytime!” But the truth is they cannot. The police love hearing “I only had two bears” when they stop the obvious intoxicated driver. You see, the “I only had two beers” is an incomplete sentence. The full sentence goes, “I only had two beers when I stopped counting.”

There is no shame in deciding you are an alcoholic. They only shame is denying the obvious or at least the possible. There is no down side to never taking a drink again. If a sober person were told by his doctor that he has this rare genetic condition which will cause death if that person continues to drink. For an instant the sober person might think, “well that sucks,” but to the doctor he will say, “okay” and with the knowledge that his life is in the balance will forever restrict himself from the use of alcohol. For the person who already is an alcoholic, the same is true, his life lies in the balance if the use of alcohol is not discontinued.

Years ago there was this young woman, Melanie, who was trying to get sober because she knew she needed to. But her participation in A.A. was sketchy at best. One day I received a text from her which read “please help me!” But before I could get to her she was dead. Alcoholism. Four years ago there was another young lady I knew because of AA. She came from an upper middle class family who loved her. She was a graduate from an Ivy League college, a Navy veteran, an extremely popular person with everyone who knew her, she was quite athletic and beautiful to boot! She had it all, that is, until January 7 when she decided at age 31 she still hand another round of drinks in her. Turns out she did not. She is dead.

Medicine is a science within which there is a lot of guessing. It is not that the doctors are all incompetent or inept, but that where every person’s physical makeup is different, so too is their ability to tolerate disease. The only known treatment for alcoholism is total abstinence. That works every time. And once free of alcohol, the individual will sudden find he has time to deal with all the problems which caused him to drink. He will find out through the social interactions with AA that his worries, his shortcomings, his disabilities are very common and that the AA member is usually more than happy to talk about how they overcame those issues without having to use alcohol.

If alcohol is the answer, then it is a sure thing you do not know or understand the question because alcohol is never the answer to anything.

Oh, by the way, AA meetings are not overwhelming older men wearing trench coats or people who are homeless or living in shelters. To the contrary, such a person is the except in meetings. My daily meeting is full of professionals, doctors, lawyers, financial analysts, psychologists, teachers, professors, brick layers, iron workers, policemen, and just about any other profession you can think of. The average meeting is not filled with people over the age of 50. Most meetings have significant numbers of people in the 30s and 40s, not to mentions those in their teens and 20s.

The young person who comes to Alcoholics Anonymous and stays invariably tells the story of the many “miracles” he, or she, has experienced since becoming a sober person. Their wildest dreams have come true and then some. The “and then some” are those wonderful things they experience which had not crossed their mind when they were simply trying to get and stay sober.

The AA Promises

“1. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed

before we are half way through.

  1. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
  2. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
  3. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
  4. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience

can benefit others.

  1. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
  2. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
  3. Self-seeking will slip away.
  4. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
  5. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
  6. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
  7. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for

ourselves

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us –

sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.”

Alcoholics Anonymous p83-84

 

Everyone who hangs around AA long enough and invests the time and energy needed to succeed, will tell you that not only do all those promise come true, but they come true to an even greater extent than initially imagined.

If you need help, the Alcoholics Anonymous World Service, located in New York has a web page at www.aa.org

If you want to ask me a question about anything feel free to contact me directly. My personal email account is: osgoodp@comcast.net

 

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Getting Sober in Your 20s — Part 2


Alcoholism and addiction are the diseases that will tell you that you do not have them.  The irony of the problem is that recovery from the disease does not require any expensive medication.  Still, it is a doctor who will absolutely confirm the diagnosis but the treatment, abstinence, seems somehow unacceptable to the individual in its clutches.  The rationalization that cutting back or controlling is all that is needed comes to the forefront.  But that is the lie the disease whispers into the ear of the afflicted.

Our society, to this day, is uncomfortable with the idea of alcoholism and addiction.  The picture that gets painted is one of old men who are either one step away from homelessness or already there as being the hallmark of most alcoholics.  And while it is true that those nearing homelessness and in its grips so frequently do suffer from the disease, the reality is that they make up only a very small percentage of all alcoholics in society today.  There is no such thing as being too young to be an alcoholic or too smart.  Alcoholics are frequently high functioning fully employed individuals.  It crosses all races, religions, nationalities, educational and socio-economic states.  It is sneaky, insidious and deadly.

The following are the 20 questions developed by Johns Hopkins University to help the individual with the identification of alcoholism.  Take a minute to read through them and see how many apply to you.

1    Have you lost time from your work because of your drinking?
2    Is drinking making your home life unhappy?
3    Do you drink because you are shy with other people?
4    Is drinking affecting your reputation?
5    Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?
6    Have you gotten into financial difficulties as a result of drinking?
7    Do you turn to lower companions or environment when drinking?
8    Does your drinking make you careless of your family’s welfare?
9    Has your ambition decreased since drinking?
10    Do you want a drink the next morning?
11    Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily?
12    Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
13    Has your efficiency decreased since drinking?
14    Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business?
15    Do you drink to escape from worries or trouble?
16    Do you drink alone?
17    Have you ever had a complete loss of memory as a result of drinking?
18    Has your physician ever treated you for drinking?
19    Do you drink to build up your self-confidence?
20    Have you ever been to a hospital or institution on account of drinking?

And their conclusion is: If you have answered YES to any one of the questions, there is a definite warning that you may be an alcoholic.
If you have answered YES to any two, the chances are that you are an alcoholic.
If you have answered YES to three or more, you are definitely an alcoholic.

Please remember, the above is the conclusion of experts in the field of alcoholism and addiction.

Below are 5 video which were created by Alcoholics Anonymous.  In the videos you will hear from people under 30 who will tell you about their alcoholism, what it looked liked, what happened, and what they have done.

Young People’s Videos

1. On the Beach Flash Player
2. Alcoholics Anonymous Flash Player
3. Young People’s Animation VideoFlash Player
4. 25 and Under New Flash Player
5. A Group of People Just Like Me New Flash Player

If you have more questions about alcoholism and Alcoholics anonymous follow this link:

www.aa.org

You should also feel free to contact me.

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A Tale of Susannah — Desperately Seeking Sanity


At 31 Susannah had it all.  She was beautiful, a tall woman with long naturally curly auburn hair, beautiful wide-set eyes, and a smile that immediately engaged anyone towards whom it was directed.  She had graduated from Wellesley College magna cum laude and at the delicate age of 20.  From there she continued her education within the ivy covered walls of Harvard University.  She was not contented with being good.  At Harvard she had become editor of the law review after a summer clerking for a justice at the Massachusetts Supreme Court.  And at the age of 23, on a particular hot day in early June, she joined 6500 other students in the Harvard Yard to receive her doctor of jurisprudence.  And that, a day that should have been the culmination of her greatest success, seemed, at least to Susannah, a sad day, if not a failure of a day.

That early Thursday morning as she and her fellow law students gathered in one of the law buildings, started as a grand day for Susannah.  Her mother had promised to phone her as soon as she and her father found their seats with the other 10,000 guests who crowded the college’s gates at 7 that morning.  It was just before 8 and her mother had no yet called so Susannah called her.  After her mother answered, and when they had briefly chatted, Susannah had asked her mother to put “daddy” on.  Her mother went quiet, mumbled a bit, and then told Susannah that her father had “not been able to make it.”

It was at that moment Susannah questioned her entire life up to that moment.  She had spent her entire life thus far desperately trying to please her father.  He had always said how proud he was of her.  She thought back to how he had seldom been able to attend her basketball games when she was in high school, how he had been suddenly “called away” when she had graduated from both high school and Wellesley, and now this.  Her first instinct was to say “screw this” and leave the ceremony even before it started.   But she did love her mother and even as angry as she was with her father, she would not spoil the day for her mother.

But at that moment Susannah took mental leave from the morning’s ceremonies.  She did not hear Harvard’s president’s message or that of any of the other speakers of the day.  Instead she formulated a plan for her immediate future.  She had been offered, and accepted, a position as an associate at the 2nd largest law firm in New York.  Before 9 that morning she not only no longer wanted the position, she despised the idea of working for corporate America at any level.  But at her father’s insistence she had considered her future using that track and her personal doubts not withstanding, she knew she could succeed in that culture.  But it had not been what she wanted.  It was what her father wanted, and now all that was counterfeit.

It was Thursday, that graduation day, and Susannah promised herself that by the end of the next day she would not only resign her position in New York, but she would find a suitable replacement in Boston.  She decided that the suitable replacement job would be at the public defender’s office.  And that is exactly what she did.  The woman who ran the PD’s office, after a quick review of Susannah’s credentials and the incredulity she felt about Susannah’s seriousness for wanting the job, took her on, happily.

Her first year in the practice of law saw her succeed far beyond what her employer could have hoped.  In the process, Susannah had ingratiated herself to all she came in contact with.  Her boss had on any number of occasions suggested she talk to the partners who visited the sparse PD’s office seeking to hire Susannah away.  But she rebuffed all advances, never accepting a single interview, and seldom even seeing the partner who had ventured to see her.  She claimed, though her boss assured her she was wrong, that the hours for the PD’s office were far friendlier than any could expect at a top law firm.  And certainly there was far less pressure in the job.  Susannah obstinanancy became legendary in both her office and the legal community.  And not just because of her resisting being recruited, but her dogged determination before the bar.  She was oft heard to say that failure was unacceptable, never allowing that it was in fact inevitable.

On this morning, some eight years later, as Susannah awoke in her bed, and after she noticed the throbbing headache, she wondered, for the millionth time, why she was not happy.  She came from a well-to-do family that, at least on the outside, looked like they had it all.  She knew she was a pretty woman, although she doubted any man who described her as gorgeous, which she found curious at the regularity that such compliments happened.  She had long ago decided that such men wanted one thing and one thing only.  She knew they did not desire her for her mind.  And to that end, she had long ago decided that the only men she would go out with would be the ones she chose and never ones who chose her.

At that moment it hit her.  She needed a job, and that was the plan for the day, to find a new position.  She remembered how her job at the PD’s office had ended badly when she had failed to show at a 9AM bail hearing.  The defendant, a man who her boss felt had a strong case, had been remanded to jail and denied bail.  Susannah had apologized profusely to her boss explaining that an emergency the night before had kept her up quite late and she had slept through her alarm.  It was not a true story, but it was the best she could come up with at the moment.  Her boss, however, having heard one too many such excuses over the years, asked Susannah that she clean out her office that day.

Susannah had recovered well from that setback, she thought, as she landed a new job that same day at a fairly large law firm that specialized in tort claims.  When friends heard of this new job the questioned her working for an “ambulance chaser” but Susannah had vigorously defended the position noting that everyone was entitled to protection from unscrupulous insurance companies, companies who denied their employees worker’s compensation for disabilities incurred on the job.  She lasted there a little over two years and left, she always laughed to herself about this, when the firm refused to pay her disability after she had injured herself at the office one day, and tore her ACL in the process which kept her laid up for over a month.  The firm had let her go “for cause,” they said.   And while Susannah had admitted to having had a drink with her lunch that day, she categorically denied that she had been gone for nearly two hours and had returned to the office drunk.  But upon the advice of “her attorney,” she did not press or pursue the issue.

That had been her last job as a lawyer, and that had been almost two years ago.  She told her friends that the bad economy affected lawyers just like any other field, and that she was actively pursuing a promising job at a prestigious firm.  The truth was, there was no firm.  There were not even any prospects.  She was at present employed as a waitress at the Four Seasons Hotel restaurant in Boston’s posh Back Bay., and that had been almost two years ago.  She told her friends that the bad economy affected lawyers just like any other field, and that she was actively pursuing a promising job at a prestigious firm.  The truth was, there was no firm.  There were not even any prospects.  She was at present employed as a waitress at the Four Seasons Hotel restaurant in Boston’s posh Back Bay.  When her friends question her about this job, she claimed that she was seriously considering a job as a chef, and that it was something she had long considered doing.  But she had also told them she had long considered becoming a legal consultant, a software developer for law firms, and fifteen other jobs all of which were plausible, given her intelligence and education, but none of which had ever been something she had truly considered, or even wanted.

As these and other thoughts raced through her mind, her headache racked mind that morning, she tried to remember her plan for the day.  And when nothing came immediately to mind she rolled over to stroke her cat who invariably slept with her, only to find a man occupying the space her cat should have been in.  For a moment she could not for the life of her think of who this man was, and then she remember the night before, and in that memory came the reason for the horrendous headache.  She remembered the bar, the crush of other young people just like her, who were fully enjoying themselves.  She remembered going to the ladies room where she was startled to see a woman snorting a line of coke.  It had briefly shocked her, but she had not moved, and when the other woman took notice of her, had offered her a line of coke.  Susannah had never done cocaine but she had said to herself “what the hell” and tried it.  The tipsiness she had been feeling was immediately transformed into an alertness she loved.  And she had returned to the bar and renewed her effort to enjoy the evening and join in everyone’s festivities.  But she could not remember this man at that bar, or for that matter, ever having left the bar and what had happened afterward.

The thought immediately went through her mind, “never again!”  She promised herself right there and then that she would not drink that day and that she would hence force control her drinking so that incidents such as she was presently experiencing, would never again happen.  This was not the first time she had awakened next to such a man, nor the second or even the third, but she promised herself it absolutely would be the last.  She knew she was more than smart enough to overcome her present condition and all she had to do was resolve to herself to never drink like that again.  Or at least never touch cocaine again because, after all, that had been the agent that had allowed her to drink more than even she thought she could.

Susannah poked the man next to her.  She desperately wanted him out of her apartment.  He had been lying there with his back to her and when he turned towards her, she saw a man who was easily her father’s age.  At that moment she thought, “Oh God, not again.”  But her greatest surprise was yet to come.  When she asked the man to leave so she could start her day, he had informed her that she was in his apartment and any leaving that must be done would be on her part.  And that was followed by the information that not only was she not in Boston, but she was actually in one of the remote suburbs and the man had said he could not possibly take her back into town as he had to get to work himself.

It took seven phone calls to various friends before she found someone who was willing, though not happy, to retrieve her from her inconvenience.  On the drive home her friend, Sarah, had suggested to Susannah that she might have a drinking problem and that she might consider attending a 12 step meeting.  But Susannah had assured Sarah that she did not have any sort of a drinking problem, that she could stop anytime she wanted, and besides, she was just 31 years old and everyone knew you cannot be an alcoholic at so tender an age.

As soon as she got home Susannah surveyed her apartment.  Sure it was a studio apartment in Boston’s South End but it was “nice.”  What is lacked for direct sun light it more than made up for in character.  After she had showered she decided to make a plan to find a job that day, or within the week at least, that was worthy of her extensive talents.  Yes, she told herself, she did have extensive talents and any company would be lucky to have her.

As the morning turned to afternoon, a Susannah considered her lunch options as he looked over her refrigerator, she noted the half-full bottle of wine sitting next to the milk.

This time when Susannah woke up she immediately knew by the hardness of the bed that she was not in her apartment.  But when she turned over her relief that she was alone in the bed was immediately replaced by the stark realization of where she was, in a hospital bed.  It was at that moment that a nurse entered her room and said how nice it was that Susannah was awake as she had a number of questions for her.  It was the first question that most unnerved Susannah, however.  The nurse had inquired as to her name.  Noting Susannah confusion, the nurse explained that she had been brought into the emergency room without any sort of identification on her person.  She had wandered into the ER and had promptly collapsed.  She had remained unconscious since.

But then Susannah noted she was attached to an i.v. and a heart monitor and queried the nurse why this had been necessary.  The nurse related, to Susannah’s horror, that she had suffered heart failure.  She told Susannah, in an extremely matter-of-fact tone, that such things happened to alcoholics, even young ones.  Susannah responded by denying that she had any sort of an alcohol problem.  The nurse simply replied by telling Susannah to rest.

About an hour later the attending physician stopped by Susannah’s room to see how she was doing.  She suggested to Susannah that she might do well to go to a detox upon her discharge from the hospital.  This time when Susannah informed the doctor that she did not have a drinking problem she heard the doctor say words she found hard to believe.  The doctor, a woman about her own age, and certainly very good looking, informed Susannah that she was an alcoholic.  Susannah had responded by questioning how a young and obviously very successful doctor could possibly be an alcoholic.

The doctor had given, in Susannah’s mind, a most unacceptable response by saying that how she would be an alcoholic was irrelevant.  What was relevant was the fact that she could not drink in safety.  That when she took a single drink she never knew where that drink would lead.  But it was the final admission by the doctor that most surprised her.  The doctor related that not only had she suffered through a failed marriage because of her drinking, but that her license to practice medicine had been temporarily suspended and she had lost custody of her two children.

For Susannah, this was just the beginning but unfortunately it was not the end.