bullying

by

Parents Are Failing their Child’s Education


I was able to retire at a pretty young age. Shortly thereafter I undertook substitute teaching. At one point or another I worked all grades, kindergarten through 8th grade. In those positions I got an up close and personal look into what is expected of today’s youth and how they are meeting those expectations.

.
Certain things have not changed since I was in the public-school system. Those students with a high degree of intelligence do well regardless of the situation into which they are thrown. That is a qualified “do well” however. The qualification is that if there is something at home which is very negative or if they have undergone a traumatic experience. Such students will need more and specialized attention. I will go into that a little bit later.

.
I believe that all students, regardless of capacity, have expectations thrown upon them which far exceed those of my generation and for a number of generations following. Towards the end of my educational experience in the public system I remember that “new math” was being introduced. That, of course, is a misnomer because there is no such thing. Math, regardless of what name you put upon it, in essence has not changed much in 100 years. Certain portions of advanced, college level, math have been introduced such as theoretical math. But for our public-school kids, such things do not and should not apply.

.
I have worked in four different school systems in the near-in Boston suburbs. One thing that was a constant across these systems was the amount of parental responsibility. This most important part of the educational system is greatly lacking if not entirely missing from the student’s education. How much a parent involves himself in their child’s educational experience greatly influences that child’s ability to succeed. Most importantly, the parent must set boundaries, discipline and structure for their child. A rebellious child is most likely looking for attention. When these things are not in the child’s home life, they end up in the lap of the schools, and in particular, the student’s teacher. These students frequent present a disruptive influence in the classroom which requires extra attention from the teacher. This, in turn, impacts the other 20 to 25, or more, students in the classroom. Then there is the student who consistently fails to do his homework. This again goes back to the parent who does not participate in their child’s education by failing to ensure that all homework in completely done.

.
When I was young, that information that was not given me in the schools, came to me via television, newspapers, magazines or my friends. The advent of social media on devices like computers and cell phones have given the young person an unprecedented access to the world. Some of the things these children have access to may not be healthy for them. This is a point at which society today struggles to differentiate what our children should see from what they should not. The cell phone, in particular, has become a device too often used to bully other children. And this is where parents fail most frequently. I have had many experiences in the school system where a parent is called in to talk about how his child misbehaves and is a bully. The parent, however, will not accept what is being offered and declares that his child is not a bully. One factor in their making such a decision is that they do not fully understand what a bully is.

.
When I was in elementary school, one of the ways we boys settled disputes was through wrestling on the playground. Fist fights were extremely rare and even then, they were forbidden. But somewhere along the way it was decided that no child should touch another child for any reason. We also played flag football which more often than not turned into tackling from behind. I do not remember any of us ever getting hurt but when we returned to the classroom a lot of our extra energy had been expended. But today’s overly protective atmosphere does not allow for this.

.
Today’s students are being taught concepts, particularly in math, which were usually not introduced until high school when I was in school. While I can see the benefit of an earlier introduction, it is sometimes put-upon children who are too young to understand these concepts and so they fail.

.
These educators, who I suspect all reside in college academics, have built a model that does not allow for the greatest chance of success at a particular grade level. Students fall behind and fail because this teaching model has failed to introduce the student to certain fundamental aspects of education. First, and foremost, students are not taught how to study. And by this I meant, at some point, possibly the third or fourth grade, a full year class in who to read effectively, how to study effectively and how to write effectively, be taught. Students are taught how to read and write, but that knowledge is never intertwined with how to study.

.
Finally, it is my belief that all school systems be required to have a state certified social worker at each school. The social worker would not be answerable to the school’s principal, but to the city’s mayor or town’s manager. Their being independent from the school system, and that being understood by all students, might greatly help students who are struggling with bullying, bad home life and trauma. Such a person could easily have a great effect, a positive effect, on a student’s success.

.
In recent years school systems have come under fire for failing their students. To some degree this is certainly true. But to a much greater degree it is the parents and state education administrators who are actually failing our students. This can all be resolved via parental involvement in a school system’s doctrine. Through Parent Teacher Organizations, parents can take control of how their child are taught and what they do in the schools. Communities must come together with educators. They must look closely at the students who are failing or those who are underachieving and find a course that will address those students’ needs.

.
It is not our schools that are failing us, it is we who are failing our schools.

by

Is Your Child a Bully?


I think if you gathered 100 parents of school-age children in a room, most, if not all, would say their child is not a bully.  The fact is, I would say at least 10 of them has a child who is a bully, and maybe more.  That is not a scientific fact, but it comes from my experience over the past 4-plus years in the classroom of a primary school here in Massachusetts.

What does a bully look like?

The picture above, “Butch” from the “Little Rascals” series of the 1930s who played the bully, might be akin to what so many people think a bully looks like today.  The fact is they look a lot like this:

To be clear, I do not know who the girl and boy are in the above pictures, but in my experience they could easily be bullies in their schools.  The fact is, a bully does not have a particular look, a particular family type, a particular race or religion.  Bullies are as likely to look cute as they are mean.  And a kid who looks mean may be the furthest thing from a bully.

Bullies do not act out in any particular place.  A child can be an angel in the classroom but a bully on the playground, on the school bus, or when they are walking home.  A bully is not a dumb kid, and I believe he, or she, is more likely to be of above average intelligence, but are saddled with a severe case of insecurity, and a bad self-image.

A bully is not just he kid who beats up other kids.  A bully is more likely to wage a psychological war with his prey, constantly picking on his target by belittling him, and degrading him.

The skilled bully, very common, knows when not to act out, around his teachers and parents.  He presents the well-behaved, sincere, and caring young person.  But in reality, just beneath the surface, his is angry and looking for a target of his aggressions.  Girls are as likely to be bullies as are boys.  Size of the child is not an indicator of anything as a small child is just as likely, if not more so, to be a bully as the big child.

Schools are required by law to deal directly with bullying, even perceived bullying, immediately and in writing.  Parent must be informed immediately.  But that is exactly where the problems truly begin.  Too many parents, when informed that they child has been caught bullying another child, deny that their child could possibly engage in such conduct.  Their “angel” is simply not capable of being a bully.  The fact is, everyone is capable of being a bully.

There is a movie that comes out tomorrow, Friday March 30, called “Bully.”  I have not yet seen it but plan to.  I would hope that all young parents would go to the movie and take their kids along, regardless of age.  Bullies happen in the first grade just as they do in any other grade.  But in taking their kids to the movies, their children might open up about problems they are having with bullies at their school.  Some children may see their own bad behavior in the movie and how it plays out, and will tell their parents of their own bad acts.  It is my experience that bullies do not like doing what they do, they simply do not know how else to act, lack coping skills, or in worse cases, lack impulse control.  Sometimes the fix is as simple as making a child aware of how wrong their actions are and making consequences for them.  But other children need professional help, not a bad thing, and in rare cases, medication.

Bullying is epidemic in our schools.  But we cannot lay this problem at the feet of our teachers.  It is the parent’s responsibility to teach their children who to act properly and to discipline their children appropriately.  We each have a personal responsibility where our children are concerned.  We each have to accept that we just might be harboring a bully and that until we take action, nothing will change.

by

The American Love Affair With Violence


There is a documentary out about bullying in American schools.  For some crazy reason it is rated “R”.  There is a movement about to get that rating reduced to “PG-13”.  As a parent, I would like to see the rating changed to “PG”.  The movement wants to give greater access to the movie to young people.  The thing is, bullying starts as young a six years of age!  Schools are required to report and respond to incidents of bullying immediately.  But bullying does not start in the school.  It starts at home!  The only question is: why?

I suggest the reason for bullying starting in the home is American’s acceptance of a violent society.  No other country in the world promotes gun usage.  Now gun ownership is not a basis for violence.  The person behind it is, of course.  But adolescents and teens are awash with images of violence on television, in the movies, and in their video games.  I have always found it curios that we take great pains in hiding one of mankind’s most wonderful and common acts, sex, while we flaunt violence.  Where is the sense in that.  A 14-year-old boy knows more about weapons than he does about his own sexuality.  He feels far freer to ask someone how to use a gun but is scared to death to ask someone about safe sex!

I am not suggesting that we open up pornography to our nation’s youth but I am suggesting that American parents are failing miserably in educating their children about sex while they take great pains to educate them about violence.  Most of that education, unfortunately, comes via the parent’s fascination in violence without properly instructing the child about it.  The parent will watch a blood and gore movie in front of his children and not say a thing about what the child is being exposed to.  But God forbid a well-made movie shows a woman’s breasts and the parents will be shooing the child out of the room.  We have the wrong forbidden fruit in America.  Where violence should be the forbidden fruit, sex is.

Children learn a lot from their parents.  Adults can be as much of a bully as a child.  When a child sees his parent yelling at a store clerk and verbally abusing such people, the child learns that such things are all right to do.  They turn around and practice those learned techniques on their classmates.  Similarly, when a child is in a car with a parent who is a very aggressive driver, or who has road rage, the child assumes such behavior to be normal and acceptable.

Every parent misbehaves in front of their children from time-to-time.  But when the responsible parent recognizes his inappropriate actions, he informs the child of how his actions were incorrect and not to be repeated.

I think far too many Americans act irresponsibly.  They are very slow to take responsible for their actions, and at times refuse to.  They forget that their bad acts, in front of their own children and other children, is showing bad example and teaching our children the wrong things.  Prior to my retirement from teaching I had occasion to take aside three students and apologise to them for what I considered some inappropriate actions.  And while they did not think what I had done to have been any big deal, their words, I said that I was wrong.  Children need to learn that adult authority figures make mistakes and are willing to take responsibility for those mistakes.