kindness

by

The Rules of Life


Whatever happened to manners, common curtesy, thoughtfulness? I do not know where it went but we need it back, and we need it back right now!

When I was a kid and had received a present, Christmas or birthday, my mother sat me down at the dining room table and had me write out a thank you note to the person who had given me the gift. It was a small thing but at the time I did not realize how important it was.

RULE 1: ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL

That thank you letter was an acknowledgement of a kindness given. It was a curtesy demanded of people who desired to have good manners. So what is curtesy?

There was a time when men would stand up at the dinner table when a woman came in to sit down. A man would hold the door for a woman to walk through. There was a time when you spoke to your elders using the word “sir” or “ma’m.” It seems like much of that has fallen by the wayside.

Americans are in a rush, all the time and everywhere. But why? I do not know. But here’s something to chew on. If you live 15 miles from work and the average posted speed is 45, that means it will take you about 20 minutes to get to work. Now today’s American is in a rush so he is going to try to average 55 miles an hour for that 15 miles to work. How much time does he gain from going 55? A little over 1 minute. Yup, that’s it, one minute! But that extra 10 MPH makes that driver more dangerous on the road. It is likely he will take chances along the way, rush a yellow light before it turns red, cut off another driver, or worst of all, cause an accident.

RULE NUMBER 2: NEVER EXCEED THE SPEED LIMIT

Now it would appear that rule 2 is meant for the previous paragraph and it is, but only in part. There is a speed limit to living life. But it the case of life, you can neither live it faster or slower than the clock allows. But some people believe that have to push as hard as possible to get where they want to go. To be who they want to be. That person will try to get things done in half a day that normally takes a full day. Are they moving too fast? Speeding? Possibly. Each person needs to check his stress level. A train can go into a curve traveling at a rate of speed greater than the tracks can handle. The tracks become overstressed and fail. People do the exact same thing. Stress is not a normal state of living. That you feel stress for an extended period of time is proof positive you need to slow down.

RULE NUMBER 3: BE A GOOD FRIEND

Okay, so if this were a question it would be a trick question. Being a good friend to the people we know is easy. The people I am speaking are those people we do not know. If you live in a city environment, as I do, you can easily come in contact with a thousand people every day. Most of them we simply pass by without a thought. But occasionally someone catches our eye. Their eyes meet our eyes. At that point we become their brief friend. We smile, nod to them, and maybe even say ‘good morning’ or ‘good afternoon.’ This is what friends do for one another.

Recently I have exacted a demand of myself. Whenever someone asks me how my day is going I must answer with a smile and say energetically, “I’m having a marvelous day! How’s your day going?” I have found it absolutely amazing the positive response I get. I believe if I do that enough times and on a regular basis, sooner or later I am going to run across a person who is actually having a crappy day but my positive energy will lift them just enough to smile for a moment and possibly allow them to feel a little better. But is that not exactly what you would do for a friend?

RULE NUMBER 4: BE INTOLERANT OF INTOLERANCE

The United States of America may be the most diverse country of any in the world. I would not be surprised if we have at least one person who represents every country, every race, every everything in the world. We probably have a member of every religion here too. But just between those two things Americans seem to generate an awful lot of intolerance, bigotry, racism and xenophobia. Do not allow yourself to be drawn into the trap the likes which Donald Trump is making popular. We are both bigger and better than those whose small minds speak poorly of others. We need to recognize that all people, regardless of who they are, share common fears, desires, and interests. My years of living have taught me that whatever you fear, whatever you have done, whoever you are, you are just one of many who feel the same things, want the same things, fear the same things.

RULE NUMBER 5: NEVER LOAN MONEY ANYONE; GIVE IT TO THEM

Few things cause more resentments and hard feelings than money which is lent out and not repaid. Every now and then someone will ask me to loan them some money. I tell them I will not loan them any money but will give them some money with just a single provision attached. That provision is that they promise when someone asked them for a load they will give that person some money. I tell them once that is done, their debt to me is paid but the must never tell me of it. This is just the “pay it forward” concept someone else came up with.

RULE NUMBER 62: DON’T TAKE YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY

The world does not revolve around you! Ever hear that saying? Well it is true! But here is the really good news: the world does not know you exist. That means when it rains, it rains on everyone, not just you! When you are stuck in a traffic jam and will be late for a super important meeting, just look around you. Everyone else is stuck in that same jam and one of those people may be a doctor who is desperately needed to save a life.

The world was here billions of years before we were born and will continue on billions of years after we die. In time we will all be forgotten. That is neither a good nor bad thing, it just is. If you want to know how to live, take trip to your local park, sit on a bench, and watch the squirrels. Each of them lives entirely within a single moment in time. They scurry around to find food. Hide in the branches to escape the wind and rain. And when they sense danger, as we do, there is that little place in their brain that yells at them to run, same as us. But have you ever heard of an unhappy squirrel. No. And you never will. They simply adapt to what is going on around them and move on.

RULE NUMBER 0: EVERY DAY YOU WAKE UP IS GOING TO BE A GOOD DAY, CONSIDER THE ALTERNATIVE

by

A Kidney Stone in Holland


In 1970 the Army sent me to Camp Darby Italy, a short distance from Pisa.  The following summer I decided I wanted to visit Europe and the Middle East.  I started out flying to Athens.  From there I went to Lebanon, Syria, Cyprus, and Israel.  After I returned to Italy for a brief stay I resumed my trip by going to Monaco, Paris and London.  From there I flew home to attend my brother’s wedding, then back to London.  From there the plan was to fly to Amsterdam and take the train from there back to Italy.

While I was at home I started having intense pain in my side.  It would come and stay a little while before subsiding.  I tolerated it and had another incident while on my flight to London.  I figured I would have the problem taken care of as soon as I got back to Italy.  I had no idea what was wrong but I was young and strong.

Upon my arrival at the train station in Amsterdam the pain returned.  This time it was not only intense but it did not subside.  I boarded the train bound for Rome thinking I could wait it out.  European trains are usually compartmentalized, at least the long-distance trains.  I was in a first class compartment, very affordable even on a serviceman’s pay, with one other person.  About an hour into the trip the pain had become so intense that I hyperventilated and fell over in the compartment.  The woman who had been in there with me ran out and brought back both the conductor and a doctor.

The doctor talked to me briefly and told me what my problem was.  His perfect American English told me I had gotten lucky in having an American attend to me.  I was only thinking in terms of language difficulty.  When I told him that he told me he was actually Dutch.  He said that medical schools in Holland required an intimate relationship with American English because most of their text books were written in that language, hence his ease with English.

The train made an unscheduled stop on Arnhem Holland where I was taken off via a stretcher.  Since train windows in Europe go down everyone was leaning out their windows looking at me.  I didn’t care.  I only wanted to be relieved of the pain.

From there I was taken to St. Elizabeth Hospital.

Saint Elizabeth Hospital

As you can see, this hospital does not resemble anything like the hospitals in the United States.  Once inside I was sent into an examination room and told to strip down naked and lie on the table in the room.  I did so.  While I was lying there a young woman came in, looked at me, giggled, and left.  This happened several times more.  I was, to say the least, flustered.  Finally a nurse came in and attempted to take down information about me.  She spoke no English so I thought I could better help her fill out the form she had if I did it myself, which I did.  Then the doctor came in.  His English was halting but passable.  When I asked him about the young women coming into the room he told me that they had never had an American in their hospital before and I was something of a novelty to them.  I still don’t know why they all giggled but all of them were quite pretty so that made it very tolerable.

Finally I was taken to the men’s ward.  There were about a dozen men in the ward.  I found out that the man in the bed to my right with the two broken legs had ended up there because he had attempted to escape from jail and had broken his legs in that attempt.  I was a bit of a celebrity there being an American but I was treated extremely well by both staff and the men in the ward.

In talking to the guy in the bed to my left he asked if I knew anyone in the area.  I told him I did not.  The next day when his family came, his sister, a beautiful woman, split away from the rest of her family and visited the entire time with me.  That bit of kindness has stayed with me my entire life.  My entire stay in the hospital in Holland was a demonstration of the kindness of the Dutch people.  I vowed then and there that no one could ever say a bad word about the Dutch in my presence and not incur my wrath.

At the end of a week in Arnhem I was told I was being moved to the Dutch Military Hospital in Utrecht.  My heart sunk because I was so comfortable where I was at.  I had made friends and always had a visitor.  Oh, the nurses at that hospital were all young, all single, and all beautiful.  I asked about that and was told that it was custom in the country that once a woman got married she removed herself from the workforce.

I was taken by ambulance to the Dutch Military Hospital in Utrecht.

This picture is very recent and much of the building was not in existence when I was taken there.  But, as we drove up to the hospital I saw immaculate grounds that were planted with large gardens of tulips.  It was absolutely beautiful.  I felt a bit of relief that it did not look like American Military Hospitals.

Once again I was assigned to a large ward there.  The conditions I found in the hospital in Arnhem were repeated in Utrecht.  I was welcomed in and found staff and patients extremely friendly.  There were probably 18 men in the ward.  Dutch military tradition had the man with the longest stay in the ward as the ranking person.  Unfortunately the guy who held that position was there because he had received 3rd burns over a large portion of his body.  They guys were great to me.

I remember my first breakfast there.  There was a long wooden table in the middle of the ward where we all took breakfast.  I felt like I was at home because they had cereal, fruit and dairy products.  I took a bowl of cereal and poured what I thought was milk over it.  What I found out was that it was not milk, per se, it was buttermilk.  That is the Dutch way.

Once again someone had a sister come in to visit with me during visiting hours.  And once again she was blonde and beautiful.  What a life!  I was actually enjoying being in the hospital.  Who knew!  Early Sunday morning a nurse came around and asked who wanted to attend religious services.  At first I said no but the guy in the bed to my right said I should go.  When I asked why he told me I would find out.  Later that morning the nurse returned asking who wanted to attend services.  I said I did and started to get out of bed.  The guy in the bed to my left told me to stay put.  A young pretty nurse came to my bed and rolled me to the service.  What a deal!

I was discharged from there a day or two later as I had been operated on and had the kidney stone removed.  During my discharge interview with the Urologist the doctor asked me if I ate a lot of milk products and tomato products.  I said I did and he informed me that I would have to stop since they were a prime contributor to kidney stones.  Then he laughed and said that he liked those sorts of things and he had a long history with kidney stones.  He gave me a half-dozen packets of some sort of medicine that I was to take.  These packets were little more than wax paper with a ground up medicine, resembling dark sugar.  I threw them in my suitcase and was taken to the train.  The trip back required crossing a number of borders and being checked at each.  It never occurred to me that the powered medicine I was given resembled cocaine.  I only thought of that afterward but no one ever asked me to open my suitcase.

In the month and years immediately following that adventure I always said that it turned out to be the best part of my entire vacation.  I came into contact with some of the kindest people I have ever known.  The Dutch hold a special place in my heart.  What I experienced was not a single case of a person showing me kindness.  It was something I believe an entire nation practices.  I will always love the Dutch and always feel in their debt.