philosophy

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Living With Yourself


Back when I was in high school, I really did not think very highly of myself.  My parents, God bless them, were of the pull yourself up by your bootstraps era.  The trouble was, it did not work.  It still doesn’t.   With nowhere to turn on the outside, I turned inward and hid.  My entire time in high school I had one girlfriend, God bless her.  She was wonderful.  She was dealing with a sad morose person who was totally clueless.  She did make me happy and that was a huge blessing.

I had a couple of really nasty things happen to me when I was a kid but when I told an adult, they chose not to believe me.  It never occurred to me, of course, that they were equally as shocked and did not know how to react, so I just got mad.  A lot of good that did me!  Living with a nasty past and being angry on top of it was such a good idea.

I sadly bumped through adulthood about as clueless on what to do with myself as anyone I have ever known.  I was really good at being lonely, depressed, and someone who was pretty much a pain in the ass to be around.

Then one day someone clued me in on how to live with myself.  It started off by him telling me to stop feeling sorry with myself, get off the pity pot, and live!  I have come to find out there is a lot of that going around.  Feeling sorry for yourself that is.  Shortly after that I figured out that the universe was not out to get me, actually it does not know I even exist.  The Red Sox did not lose because of me.  It was not raining to make me feel badly.  Not winning something is not a conspiracy to get me, it is just how things turned out at that moment.

Next thing I tackled was depression.  Why was it happening so much?  Turns out the reason was fairly simple.  It was not anything organic, well, for the most part anyway.  It was mostly a matter of my thought process.  First I stopped believing the universe was out to get me.  Then I figured out that where ever I was that was no fun, that was ugly, that was in any way undesirable, I just needed to tell myself that I was the one who had gotten myself there, and I had to be the one to get myself out of there.  I could get help of course.  But I had to make a determination that I had to do the moving, no one was going to do that for me, nor should I want them to.  That gave me several new directions to go in and almost like magic, life became brighter and more fun.

Then it was time to tackle loneliness.  I could not be alone and not feel lonely.  It was my belief that since we are social being by nature it was a must for us to always be with someone.  That meant being by myself was an unnatural state of being so loneliness was to be expected.  What a bunch of crap!  Also at that time I had this thing about taking Fridays off and heading to the beach.  I have always loved the beach and the warm feeling of the sun and sand.  I knew I would be alone so I decided to read a book while I was there.  That was the first time.  I really enjoyed that first day on the beach, did not feel in the least bit lonely.  I did not recognize that fact immediately but as the summer wore on it became obvious, even to me, that I could entertain myself sufficiently to ward off all feelings of loneliness.  It did not show me how much I really enjoyed reading, which was quite the revelation all by itself, but it did show me that if I used my mind a little bit, I could easily entertain myself during those times I was alone.

The last thing I had to do was dealing with my past.  I had any number of things I had done that were less than honorable, and according to some, down right horrible.  The fix was a multi-step process but actually quite simple.  First I had to admit to myself that what I had done was wrong.  I did that.  Then I had to figure out why I had done any one of those things.  That was a little more difficult but it was suggested to me I use “the seven deadly sins” as the basis for such an examination.  I hated that suggestion because it was based on someone’s religion.  But then it came to me, shortcomings!  What character flaws had aided and abetted me in my mistakes.  That turned out to be pretty easy.  Once identified I had only to figure out how to change myself so they were no longer affecting my actions.  And finally, I had to go back to anyone who my misdeeds had victimized and apologize.  Those things done, the weight that was lifted was incredible.

My life is really good these days.  It is far from perfect but it is so much better than it used to be.  I have some of the most amazing friends anyone could ever want.  I am seldom lonely and usually feel like I have more things to do in my life than I have years left in it.  That is exciting!  I know that every day is going to be a good one.  How?  I woke up, that’s how.  It is that simple.  Consider the alternate and you know waking up is fabulous!

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Are Our Individual Constitutional Rights In Danger?


In a word, yes.  The “Patriot Act” was one of the single greatest assaults on our Constitutional Rights that this country has ever endured.  It seems, however, few people either realize this or believe it.  But history tells us a very different story.

In the late 1920s and early 1930s Germany was nearly bankrupt.  Its economy was in free fall, unemployment was extremely high, and there seemed to be no hope.  Adolph Hitler took advantage of those extreme circumstance to wrest control of a constitutionally based government into a government-run at the whim of an individual political party, the Nazis.  Hitler used fear and prejudices early in role as chancellor of Germany to convince the German people that his draconian measures were necessary for the German economy and for the survival as Germany.  The German people allowed their fears to control them and fave Hitler carte blanch.  It was not long before those who opposed what he was doing to be called unpatriotic and arrested.  Laws were changed to suit his political ambition.  The judicial branch became so compromised that it was rendered impotent.  What happened after that was very predictable.  We know the history from then on but can such things happen in America today?

The degree to which Hitler took things in Germany are unlikely to happen in the U.S. but that does not mean we are immune from treading on similar grounds.  One of the best known portions of the “Patriot Act” was the corruption of our absolute right against unreasonable search and seizure, the 4th Amendment.  What it did was allow certain government agencies the right to search without a warrant, the right to wire-tap without a warrant, and the right to detain people without the ability to retain an attorney or be charged within 24 hours.  Our 5th, 6th, and 7th Amendment rights, the right against self-incrimination, speedy trial, and trial by jury were all compromised.  Americans allowed their fears to control them and so allowed Pres. Bush to put this act in place with very little opposition.  What we should know, it is harder to repeal a law than put one in place.  We need to be extremely judicious and cautious about any law that even gives the appearance of reducing any of our Constitutional rights.

Another very common attack is the one against our first amendment rights, the part that says: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.”  In 1963 a woman named Madeline Murray O’Hare challenged the reading of the Bible in public schools.  I can tell you I personally believed her to be the devil incarnate at the time.  Prayer in school was a tradition.  The furor raised over the issue at the time was immense.  The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that prayer and Bible reading in public schools was unconstitutional.

It took me a long time to get my arms around this but I now see that such separation is absolutely necessary.  One simple question needs to be asked of each person.  Whose prayers or whose Bible would we read and say?  There are hundreds, maybe thousands, of translations to the Bible and just as many different religions.  But just as importantly is the right of an individual to not believe in God and therefore, not be put in a position where someone’s God is forced upon them.  And that is exactly what the writers of the Constitution were thinking when they proposed this amendment.  They knew of the English law requiring the Church of England be part of the government and they did not want that repeated in the U.S.

Section 8 of the constitution states that Congress shall have the power “To regulate Commerce with foreign Nations, and among the several States, and with the Indian Tribes;”  That power is being systematically eroded by powerful political action committees.  Various industries in the United States, and abroad, have formed coalitions to prevent or reduce regulation of their business.  These PACs have become so powerful that they know they can sway a Congressional vote to favor them at almost any time.  This is an absolute assault upon us because the government is “of the people” as Abraham Lincoln noted.  Nowhere is there any reference to our government being responsible for the well-being of individual commercial adventures, and yet that is exactly what is happening today.

We need to jealously guard of civil rights and question anyone who even suggests we give up even the smallest portion of any one of them.  We cannot become complacent about protecting them because any freedom lost is doubly hard to regain.

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Honesty, Integrity and Hurt Feelilngs


During my life I have generally been honest and had pretty good integrity.  But that was not a good thing.  To the contrary, it was not good at all.  What did “generally” mean?  Something over 50% but well under 100%.  That meant there were serious questions surrounding my honesty and integrity at any given moment.

About 12 or so years ago I decided I really needed to change that.  First and foremost, it was not good enough to pick and chose those honest moments, cherry pick them.  It has taken a lot of practice and I cannot say I enjoy 100% success, but I can say that I probably am around 99% successful.  And for those times I find myself wanting, I make a concerted effort to fix my shortcomings.

One of the most common excuses I have heard, and have used myself, is that complete honesty, in certain circumstances will hurt someone’s feelings.  Realizing this might happen there were several things I might do.  I might say nothing at all to the person.  I might tell only part of the truth.  Or I might tell that “little white lie.”  What is a “white lie?”  I really have no idea.  It is still a lie.  That is no longer acceptable in any situation.  Almost as bad is holding back the entire truth.  That too it tantamount to lying.  It is a lie of omission.  All this to save a person’s feelings?  I do not remember being told that I am responsible for anyone’s feelings!

This does not mean I should act callously.  It also does not mean I should hit the person over the head with the truth.  My part in all of it is to relate the truth, unedited, and candidly.  I have to take the chance that the person’s feelings may be hurt and I may well incur their wrath.  That is not my responsibility.  At the end of the day I am accountable for each and every one of my actions.  Tactful honesty is always better than any alternative.  I have found that people always get over hurt feelings and generally have more respect for me once the dust settles.  If they decide they want nothing more to do with me, I will know it was not because of my being dishonest, duplicitous, or self-serving.

With honesty comes integrity.  My integrity means that people can count on me to keep my word.  They can count on me to be there when I say I will.  They know I will give a full effort in doing whatever it is that is needed.  And they know that I will admit to my failures and shortcomings along the way.  Dealing with failure was another thing I found has really only one acceptable action.  I hate failing but when I do, I have absolutely no problem with saying I have failed.

Another part of honesty and integrity is my ability to say “I do not know.”  People ask questions I do not know the answer to, I admit to that.  If further action is required, I will look to fill my void of knowledge.  If not, I do nothing.

There is always someone who is looking to put me down.  When they say hurtful or dishonest things to me I have two responses I use.  The first is to simply agree with them.  If someone says that I am dumb, I will agree with them leaving them with nowhere to go.  If they say something that is truly bad, I will ask them why they feel that way.  But I will do nothing more than those two things to defend myself against personal attacks.  Such people are looking for a fight, and if I choose not to accept their challenge, what are they left with?

All the above things are the tools I use for success in my personal and professional life.  People know they can count on my honesty and integrity.  Even though I am not 100% successful it still means they can trust me and respect me.  Trust and respect are things that are earned, not demanded.