teenagers

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Alcoholism Among Teens and 20-somethings


Alcoholism in America remains in the closet in spite of its acceptance by the medical community as a disease. And since this disease is listed as a mental disorder, it is doubly stigmatized. Worse, most people have no idea what it takes to be an alcoholic. Most see alcoholics in their mind as a person who lives on the street, is unemployed and who is at least 40 years old. In truth, none of those generalizations is truthful.

Few people ever think of someone in the 12 to 25 age group as being alcoholics. According to the National Institute of Health, people from age 12 to 18 reported 3.4% are heavy drinkers. For college students 18 – 22 reported 12.5% are heavy drinkers and binge drinking is 3 to 4 times the afore listed rates.
Because alcoholism is a mental disorder those in the age group described above are least likely to believe they are an alcoholic. Here are some of the common reasons given by 12 to 25-year-olds for why they are not an alcoholic:

• I’m too young
• I don’t drink every day
• I can stop anytime
• I’m doing all right in school
• I’ve never gotten a DUI
• I’ve only blacked out a couple of times

Chief among the reason for not being an alcoholic is age. There is a perception that to become an alcoholic takes many years of heavy drinking, drinking every day, and being at least 40. But in truth, if you drink because it makes you feel good, because it gets rid of bad feelings, because everyone your age is doing it and because it allows you to be more social are all indicators that you might have a drinking problem.

What follows is the Johns Hopkins University test for being an alcoholic. Go through these and see how many apply to you.
1 Have you lost time from your work because of your drinking?
2 Is drinking making your home life unhappy?
3 Do you drink because you are shy with other people?
4 Is drinking affecting your reputation?
5 Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?
6 Have you gotten into financial difficulties as a result of drinking?
7 Do you turn to lower companions or environment when drinking?
8 Does your drinking make you careless of your family’s welfare?
9 Has your ambition decreased since drinking?
10 Do you want a drink the next morning?
11 Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily?
12 Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
13 Has your efficiency decreased since drinking?
14 Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business?
15 Do you drink to escape from worries or trouble?
16 Do you drink alone?
17 Have you ever had a complete loss of memory as a result of drinking?
18 Has your physician ever treated you for drinking?
19 Do you drink to build up your self-confidence?
20 Have you ever been to a hospital or institution on account of drinking?

You need only have answered yes to 3 of these questions to most likely be an alcoholic.

For the young person, questions 15 to 19 are probably the most telling and most likely to have said “yes” to. Answering yes to even one of these questions suggests an underlying problem.
Being an alcoholic is as much a why question as it is a how much question. That is, if you drink because you are feeling depressed, because you cannot be social otherwise, or because you have some really negative feelings, then you have a drinking problem. You have nothing to lose by deciding you have a drinking problem you cannot fix. Help is everywhere in the form of Alcoholics Anonymous.

The good news for young people is that there are thousands just like you out there. And even better, if you live near a city, there most likely are meetings for you. They are called “Young People Meetings.” And within these groups, you will find a secondary group that refers to itself as “never had a legal drink.” And the really good news is, within each meeting you go to you will find someone else who has exactly the same problem as you who have found a solution to that problem, and others. You need only ask, and they will tell you how they did it.

It does not matter if there are no young people’s meetings near you, the regular AA meeting will help you more than you can imagine. The first step is in saying that you have a problem you cannot resolve. Take that problem to a meeting and in time it will be resolved.

For more information please visit Alcoholics Anonymous’ Internet site at:

http://www.aa.org.

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What’s Killing Our Teens and Young Adults? Hidden Secrets.


This is one of those little things that I created entirely from personal experience.  But it is also the preface to my next offering.

I loved my parent and they loved me. But neither of my parents had a clue about bringing up children. There were three of us and for much of our adolescent and teen life we were latch key kids. But my parents were horrible with communications. I doubt they ever knew what was going on in my life, what I was thinking, what I feared, what I wanted or even what I needed. It’s not their fault. Theirs was the generation of “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” and I cannot fault them for that. It was all they knew.

What they did not realize is that they had one very troubled child in me. I had been sexually taken advantage of by a couple of neighbor girls who were twice my age, I was 5. I did not recognize it as abuse at the time, and even thought it to be fun. The fun stopped when certain neighborhood boys decided to sexually attack me. It was when I first experienced depression, a depression that lasted for decades. The sexual abuse end when I was 15. I had gotten mad at my mother and decided it time to run away to New York City; we lived near Boston. I was hitchhiking my way there, of course, and was picked up by a man who overpowered me just by his very presence, and my past experiences. He took me to a remote cabin in the woods near a pond and raped me for hours on end. In the morning all I wanted to do was get home.

When I got home my mother asked me where I had been all night and I lied and said I had slept on a park bench in a neighboring city. Not entirely unreasonable since I was a headstrong boy and rode by bicycle everywhere or took the bus where ever. Upon reflection I wondered why she had not bother to call the police to report that her 15-year-old son had not come home that evening. I never did ask her that. But some weeks later I told her of the incident, fighting back enormous fear, only to have her say “boys don’t get raped.” I was brought up Roman Catholic so the next place I sought out help was from a priest at Merrimack College. After I told him what had happened he suggested I ask God forgiveness for my sin.

To backtrack a bit, I had been an excellent student thought my first 5 years of elementary school, almost always getting an A in every subject. In the 6th grade my grades slipped to all Bs and by the 7th grade the Bs and Cs, mostly Cs. By high school I was narrowly avoiding outright failure in every subject.
In the 7th and 8th grade I was the constant target of boys who were looking to make fun of someone. I was actually fairly good at softball but because I could not throw a ball properly, I was always the last kid picked. When high school rolled around I dared not even try out for any of the sports teams, football and baseball I would have enjoyed. Instead, I went where all the other “losers” went, the school band, at which I excelled. In another attempt to be socially accepted, I joined the extremely popular, or so I thought, drama club. I got a speaking roll the first time I tried out and worked my way to the leading roll by the time I was a senior. But my social life still lagged and I had failed to realize that being a member of the drama club was just another collection of misfit toys but still more acceptable than the band.

In the 7th grade we had our first dance. It was held at a student’s house as were the others that year and the following. I didn’t have a girlfriend, I didn’t dance, and I didn’t feel like I fit even. I must have had some sort of self-abuse ideal because I kept going. In high school it was more of the same only worse. Starting in Freshman year my fellow classmates flouted their “steady” relationships. The boys began to brag about all the girls they had had sex with. It was not until my junior year that I had my first date. The idea of asking a girl out was just to scary. When I finally got up the courage, she said yes and not long after became my first, and only, girlfriend in high school. We went to the Junior-Senior Prom together, had a wonderful time, and I thought I was on my way. She broke up with me shortly after that but at that point I didn’t care too much because I had badgered my parents into sending me 300 miles away to a boarding school so I could get into college.

When I graduated from high school I was still a virgin, not a bad thing, but had had only kissed a girl once. I was too fear filled to just try to kiss a girl and anything more serious, which I did daydream about, was just out of the question. I limped through high school with just a few friends and even some of them picked on me, made fun of me. They knew I would neither stand my ground nor fight back.

Shortly after I graduated from high school, with honors, and then flunked out of Boston University, I became suicidal. I didn’t understand there to be any good reason for me to go on living. I had on and off bouts of suicidal ideation, but I never tried to do it. I always felt a greater desire to live, even though life continued to feel pretty miserable.

What was missing from my early years was structure and help from my parents in understanding the basics of living. Everything was trial and error for me. My mother never missed a chance to punish me when I was wrong but never knew how to praise my successes which meant I did not know when I was doing something the right way or that if I made a little correction in my direction, things would work out really well. I don’t blame them though. No one had given them instructions on child rearing. They did they best the could and I loved them just as they were, although I had a strange way of showing it at times. The thing that hurt me the most is that I never as a child heard my mother tell me that she loved me, my father either. My mother could not even show love via a hug which is the one thing my father could do. I later years I learned that both my parents were broken, my mother being the worst by far.

As it turned out, my mother’s secrets became mine, even though at the time I was entirely unaware of them. But what I do not understand, to this day, is how every teacher I ever encountered never pick up on what a depressed kid I was. Or if they did, they did nothing.

I carried a heavy load of secrets into my adult life and those secrets nearly killed me. To mask the pain I felt, I drank to excess. I find it amazing that I did not start drinking in high school considering how miserable I almost always felt. I had all these secrets, none of which I was trying hide, and yet they remained hidden because I knew of no way to release them, there were no outlets available.
An inner strength kept me alive but not everyone has such strength. To many teens and young adults today have secrets they are unable to release. As a society it is our responsibility to find ways, attractive ways, for them to let go of those secrets and kill of the demons inside the before those demons rise up and kill them.

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An Absolute Guide to Success for Teens and Twenty-somethings.


I have both a B.S. and a Masters degree, the latter from Harvard University. Now from that simple statement anyone who did not know me would probably think I am a pretty smart guy who did really well in life. Well, truth be told, only one of those statements is true, I am indeed a pretty smart guy. Now comes the “but.” But I miss pretty much every opportunity afforded me in my teens and twenties. I am pretty certain I received a PhD in missed opportunities.

When I was in high school I managed to be so thoroughly distracted, mostly by girls, that I was unable to complete most assignments. From age 14 to 18 I spent far too many hours thinking about the girl of my dreams, which varied of course, when I really needed to be doing my homework.

Did I tell you I am a contradiction in terms? I am! From when I was about 6, I always found a way to earn money. True, most of that money went to buying candy and ice cream but I was happy and satisfied. I had a paper route for about 3 years, ages 11 to 14. When I turned 14 I had a full time summer job on a local farm which I went back to when I was 15. At 16 I worked in one of the local factories, a true sweat shop. Loved it! One of the best educations of my life. And finally, when I was 17 I got a job at Raytheon company as a clerk. Seems I could type pretty well. I earned 5 cents more per hour than a girl my age who did nearly the exact same job I did. I knew I was unfair.

After graduation from high school I was headed for Boston University. I had gained early acceptance, November of the previous year, and thought I was good to go. Well, nothing could have been further from the truth. Before the first semester had ended I knew my college career had ended. Prime reason, I was constantly daydreaming about the girl of my dreams which varied. Oh, and I was not doing my assignments.

By December of that year I had decided that a career in the army would be a good thing. I took their various tests and actually managed to get myself into flight school, no easy task. No one breezes through basic training but once I had completed that I was on to my dream, flight school. In the army that means you are going to rotary wing (helicopter) training which, in those days, started at Fort Wolters Texas and was completed at Fort Rucker Alabama. It did not even take me a month to drop out of that. Still, certain people saw promise in me, enrolled me in the following class, and suggested I take that opportunity, one which was seldom offered. I declined. I had had enough. In truth, quitting seemed easier. Enough said about that save over the next 18 months I received every promotion I was eligible for in the minimum time required.

I was a two-year enlistee who got out and headed directly back to college. I mean, who can fail twice? Ah, but I was head of the curve this time. I had the girl of my dreams, was head over heels in love with her, life was wonderful! And yet, in spite of that, I managed to fail every class in which I was enrolled. And so what do you think I did next? No, I did not go into the army but I did go to flight school.

This flight school was of the fixed wing variety held in Tulsa Oklahoma. And as it turned out, I was a natural pilot. This time I pushed myself just enough so that after 5 hours of flight time, the minimum time required by the FAA before a person can fly solo. I soloed during my 6th hour. Time passed, my flight time mounted up, I took and passed the FAA written test required for a private pilot’s license. Oh, and during this time I held down a full time job as an orderly at a hospital in Tulsa. One day, while driving home from that hospital, I daydreamed for a moment or two but I was exactly enough time that I did not see the person stopped in front of me until it was too late. I managed to total two cars and decided it was time to go back home and do what?

That question got answer just before I left Tulsa when talking with my mother on the phone she asked why the army was looking for me. She assured me she had not told them where I was but I knew the gig was up, again. You see, I was supposed to be going to reserve army meetings for two years following my separation from active duty. I had attended exactly zero.

I bit the bullet, headed for the local army recruiter and confessed my sins. He had a nice laugh on me but in truth I was actually happy to be returning to the army. It was a safe place for me, and I actually liked it. During my first three years back in the army I managed to successfully navigate two years of college education via the local University of Maryland campus. Now a reasonable person would think that within the next three years I would complete that degree and all would be well. That is not exactly how it went. During those 3 years I got married, had a child and allowed just about everything to impede my college education. I took me until 1986 to finally get that B.S. degree. I did not mention this before but I entered Boston University in September 1967. You might say I was just a tad slow, or, you might hold me to a higher standard and say I found far too many excuses for not succeeded while giving not a single good reason.

I started my graduate education at Harvard University in September 1986. That degree took me far too long too, but let me just say, it was more of the same stuff I have already related so why repeat myself.

What does any of this have to do with those of you who are in your teens and twenties. Everything!

I am 66 years of age now, retired and enjoying pretty much everything life sends me its way. But my retirement has also allowed me the time to give my life considerable and very honest review. What I discovered is absolutely appalling. I found that I had missed pretty much every opportunity which came my way from age 11 through 30, a full twenty years! How could that happen? How could a rather intelligent person, which I am, miss just about every opportunity? Simple. I did not see a single one for what it really was.

When you are 18-years-old truly believe that you have this infinite pool of time ahead of you. That is mistake number one, always! Life happens a day at a time and even though at times it seems incredibly and boringly slow, those minutes are just as important as any other collection of minutes in your life.

I really believe that it rare that an 18-year-old had any inkling as to what he wants to be doing come age 40. And why is age 40 so important? Two reasons: first changing professions at that age is extremely difficult and, two, like it or not, age discrimination comes into play. Cry all you like about it being against the law, which it is, but just try proving it! That means that by age 30 you really really need to be doing a job you look forward to and cannot imagine doing anything else. That was not me.

Okay, so what should you do to insure that at age 40 you are right when you both want and need to be? Be on the lookout for opportunities and explore each and every one to the fullest extent possible. Ah, so what is an opportunity?

Failure! Failure is one of the best opportunities of all. Failure, by definition, says you tried something but did not succeed. Failure is the most prevalent opportunity any human will ever experience. Do not quote me on this, but I believe Thomas Edison failed over 200 times before he finally found a filament that worked in his light bulb. It is likely that the incandescent light bulb would have been invented eventually anyway, but it was Edison completing the task because he did not take failure as meaning hopeless. He saw it as meaning he needed to find another way of doing things. And that is exactly how failure becomes an opportunity every time.

It took me two shots at algebra and two shots at geometry to get each right once. Had I carried that forward most, if not all, of my failures could have been turned into successes. But I did not. It was always easier to say why something could not happen than ask the question of how could I make it happen. And this is where you come to a universal truth. Going it alone will probably get you lost. But ask for help and you will probably find the way. And never ever let anyone tell you that you cannot do something. They probably do not know what they are talking about anyway.

Instead of finding an excuse, find a way. For example, you are getting ready to graduate high school and you happen to notice that your grades are average and that being said by a generous person. But you find, of a sudden, this desire to be a nurse, a lawyer, an architect, the best trumpeter ever, or pretty much anything else. Your first response is going to be that such lofty goals are now unachievable. Bull shit! They are all achievable but you must find an alternate path. That means instead of graduating from medical school at age 27, you might have to graduate at age 30. So what? Start with something you can do. I suggest community college. It is affordable and pretty much takes on all comers. Plus, it is college and its credits are generally transferable to not only the state schools but to most private colleges and universities. But most importantly, once started, do not let anyone or anything stop you until you have reached your ultimate goal. But be warned, your ultimate goal is likely to change while you are attending college. Hell, you may even change career fields entirely but that is part of learning.

If you do not think that is true, pick any highly successful person you know and ask them one simple question: as them what was their biggest failure prior to becoming whatever they are and how they overcame that.

One more thing about your aspiration, find someone who is successful in your field of choice and asked them to tell you in some detail what it took for them to get where they are.

Finally, along the way you are going to run into difficulties, some greater than others. But there are going to be a certain number of difficulties where you have only one choice and that is to ask for help. Do it! Make no excuses for not doing it. Do not project what you think the person you are asked for help is going to think of you. The thing is, it is human nature that we enjoy being asked for help. And, this is important, that first person does not have an answer for you, do not leave without asking if they know someone who might know. And if they do not know that either, keep looking until you find the needed help. And never ever miss an opportunity to nail down your professor and them him or her that you are 100% confused over a point, a concept, or anything else. Those are the things people who do not quit do. And those are the things I failed to do on a regular basis.

Finally, there is this idea of inherent intelligence going around. I happen to know I am a very intelligent guy but it does not seem to have done me a lot of good, at least until recent years. I truly believe that most people underestimate their actual intelligence. If someone looks at your high school record and tells you what your listed IQ is, I recommend that if it is less than what you think it should be, put it off to your having had a bad day the day of the test and that you are in fact far more intelligent than some test says you are. I say this because more likely than not, you are.

Every mistake you make gives you a bit of valuable information. It tells you where you made a wrong turn. Return to that point and make the right turn. Make absolutely everything which happens to you in your teens and twenties learning experiences, commit them to memory, get advice on some of them, and use them to your advantage wherever possible. If your mother wants you to become a doctor and your father wants you to become a lawyer and you want to become a chef, get yourself into that chef’s school. Own you decisions, own your mistakes, never lie, and never quit.